In what can only be described as an act of pure genius, the English cricket team coach has forced legislation through Parliament, which will allow his team to win every game.
He proposes to compel all opposing teams to wear the full penguin suit that Muslim ladies wear.
This latest ploy is thought to be an attempt to allow the English team to win a test victory and end the string of humiliating defeats that they have suffered in recent years.
The new 'Terrorist Acts' introduced by the British Prime Minister, Mr. Tony, 'Makepeace', Blair will compel all non-British cricketers to wear the veil.
The veil, hijab, or 'penguin suit', covers the wearer from head to toe and has a tiny slit through which to look.
The English coach reasons that his team will have a great advantage because their opponents will have restricted vision and limited movements.
Although it has been argued by learned clerics that the hijab does not affect the wearer's performance, tests carried out by English Cricketers Veteran's Society proved otherwise.
The veterans, playing in a friendly game against a fully veiled England side, scored an impressive victory by getting them all out for zero runs.
'The blighters couldn't see the bleeding ball!' An experienced veteran enthused.
'And when they could see it they couldn't run because of the stiffness of the penguin suits!'
The English captain dismissed claims that wearing the veil was unfair.
'Whingeing and moaning is simply not cricket,' he stated in a stiff, upper lip, 3 lions kind of way.
