Scientist claims new findings are old hat to him
SCRIMBAD, Miss. -- A recent report indicated that after 15 years of intense study, "the world's most prolific planet-hunting team has found the planetary system that most reminds them of our own home solar system. The discovery boosts hopes for f...
Read full storyStudy Finds 'Blackie' Phenomenon
(RUTGERS) - You might call her Princess. She might even respond to "baby". But a new study by animal researchers here has found that the vast majority of American dogs will come when called 'Blackie'.
Read full storyGreen Party implodes
MADISON, Wisc. -- The Green Party, the political organization that backed Ralph Nader during two of his unsuccessful bids for the Presidency, has collapsed from the weight of its own issues.
Read full storyMadonna quits show biz; press blames her tits
REDONDO BEACH, Calif. -- In a shocking announcement, Madonna is calling her show business career quits. Rumors persist that the decision has all to do with the diva's tits.
Read full storyAlleged Nazis protest D-Day
PARIS -- A group of veteran Nazis who claim to have been in hiding since the end of WW II marched in Paris, protesting the anniversary of D-Day. A spokesman for the group called the event "a fraud."...
Read full storyCheney Displays Trophy of Bush
(WASHINGTON) - The President may show off Saddam Hussein's gun to White House visitors, but that's nothing compared to what Vice President Cheney keeps in a glass case outside his office.
Read full storyBush decries "partisan" Congress for establishing Memorial Day
WASHINGTON -- President Bush criticized the 1971 U.S. Congress for their official establishment of Memorial Day, calling them "petty partisans" attempting to politicize the occupation of Iraq.
Read full storyPoll says 'Friends' is forgotten
FUSHICHA, Ind. -- Only a few weeks after its demise, the popular TV sitcom Friends has been entirely forgotten, according to a poll and random interviews.
Read full storyFranken desperately seeking Davis
CHICAGO -- Author/comedian Al Franken is financing a massive search for his ex-writing partner, Tom Davis.
Read full storyResearch Reveals More Women Purchase Cars at Night
A study recently completed by the Ford Motor Company shows that women are twice as likely to shop for cars during the evening as during daylight hours. Research Director Ben Dover completed a two-year study in Des Moines and New Orleans using 200 For...
Read full storyHitler poised to become new Chelsea boss
EX NAZI boss Adolf Hitler is to be sensationally named as the new Chelsea manager within the next week.
Read full storyCarrot Top Does More Commercials; Suicide Rate Rises
Comedian Carrot Top has recently supplied AT&T with a new commercial, much to the disappointment of nearly everyone everywhere. "You know, for a while there I was almost sure he had died - I thought I even read about it somewhere." Said an...
Read full story"Spoiled Thai Kids" Announce New Pop Act
BANGKOK, Thailand -- Shiny, new pop music group, Spoiled Thai Kids, announced their formation featuring four stylish, self-obsessed, rich, ignorant Thai teens, with otherwise low prospects for any type of personal achievement in their lifetime...
Read full storyBush says U. S. winning Iraq
(Crawford, TX) - President Bush spent Sunday morning goose hunting and the afternoon playing miniature golf on his Crawford, Texas ranch. Helen Thomas asked the president about the mounting U. S. soldier casualties in Iraq. Over 200 troops died in A...
Read full storySatan raises gas prices to over $6 a gallon
In yet another sign of the end times, the Devil has raised gas prices to over $6 a gallon - just in time for the summer travel season. Speaking through his intermediary, Exxon/Mobile, the prince of darkness said, "Go on - drive like there's no tomorr...
Read full story