Written by Morgan Truce

Monday, 31 May 2004

image for Bush Tries to Join European Union.
"down here at the ranch..."

Transcript of phone conversation between United States President George W. Bush and Mr. Bertie Ahern, President of the European Council:


Bush: Mr. Ahab, this is George W. Bush!

Ahern: Who?

Bush: George Bush... you know... the President.

Ahern: Where are you calling from sir?

Bush: Well, I'm down here at the ranch in Crawford right now. How's the weather down there in Europe?

Ahern---muffled voice speaking to assistant: "It's that idiot Bush!"

Ahern: Just fine, President Bush. How may I help you today?

Bush: Uhh... well... you know Bertie, I don't get much support from unions and most of those union leaders are a bunch of left wing Democrats, but I was thinkin' I might do better in the November elections if I joined some kind of union. You know? Well, anyway, I was just wonderin' how much your union dues are and... uhhh... if I could join your European Union?

Ahern: You want to join the European Union?

Bush: Yeah, if that's OK.

Ahern: President Bush, have you ever visited Europe?

Bush: Uhhh, I don't think so, but I have a postcard from my Dad when he went there. He liked that country, but he got sick and threw up... right at the dinner table.

Ahern: You mean Japan, Mr. President.

Bush: Yeah, that's right: Japan! Europe is part of that, right?

Ahern: Mr. President, why don't you phone Colin Powell and speak with him about this. He knows a lot about Europe.

Bush: Uhh... OK... that's right... my Dad told me to run that kind of stuff by Colin before I get on the phone with strangers. Well, Bertie, it's been great talkin' with ya'. Y'all take care now.

Ahern: Have a good day Mr. President.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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