Excretion Bad For you
Contrary to accepted opinion, scientists at MIT have determined that excretion is not only pointless, it is actually bad for you.
Read full storyJesus Rises From The Dead Again - Theology Screwed
Theologians the world over are in an uproar today because Jesus of Nazareth has risen from the dead again. Climbing up out of a manhole in Jerusalem, the dishevelled, bearded Jesus disrupted traffic for over an hour as authorities searched him for w...
Read full storyUS To Sell Iraq Antiquities
The Bush Administration announced on Sunday that they plan to sell Iraqi antiquities to help defray the cost of the war. Department of Defense spokesman Hiram Needel made the announcement at the regular Sunday midday press conference.
Read full storyBush Actually Shoots Himself in the Foot at Rally for Rumsfeld!
Yesterday afternoon in Forth Worth, Texas, at a "2nd Amendment Rally" sponsored by the NRA in "A Tribute to Our Superb Outgoing Defense Secretary Rumsfeld," President Bush accidentally fired a new "safety non-safety" rif...
Read full storyPee Wee Herman is Back !!!
"Is it you or is it me?" Paul Reuben has been awarded a contract with WDLC-TV in Denmark to resurrect his old TV show "Pee Wee's Playhouse". It was near the tail end of his five-year syndicated Saturday morning television seri...
Read full storyShark-cleaning in Australia
Wembley Downs’ couple Troy and Molly Lucksmith are not your typical enterprising self-employed partners-in-crime. Far from it in fact, for they have hit upon a novel money-spinner which is sure to make them a fortune, and keep the environment in tip-top shape. Sharing a passion for money and aquatic wildlife is the key to success, say the Lucksmiths and being their own bosses suits them ju...
Read full storyHard days night at the Diploma Mill (Kaufman’s 30 second guide to living)
When I heard that the General accounting office published a report this week stating that many government employees received diplomas from non-accredited schools who issue degrees based on “life experience” I thought wow what in the hell am I doing here sitting around like a slob when I could at lest sit around like a slob with a Ph.D. in proctology. Now take in mind there is no doctorate f...
Read full storyAshcroft: Be Christian or Die
In an effort to demonstrate that though forgotten in the Iraq war tumult, he is never-the-less still completely insane, John Ashcroft, US Attorney General, has endorsed a Constitutional Amendment which would require all Americans to convert to Pre-m...
Read full storyLeif Ericsson Alive - Claims North America
Thawed out from an iceberg floating north of Greenland, Scandinavian explorer and hero, Leif Ericsson, breathed his first breath in almost 1000 years.
Read full storyMan Has Vagina Implanted In His Hand
An unidentified, but self-proclaimed ‘ugly man' had surgeons implant a vagina from a cadaver in his left hand last week, it was announced today. Doctors at the Nashua Clinic for Sexual Re-Implementation, in Nashua New Hampshire, said the patient, kn...
Read full storyAliens Attack Mississippi - Tens of Dollars Damage
(Jackson, Mississippi) What is being called a "motor boat from Mars" apparently dove repeatedly upon Jackson, Mississippi this morning, strafing with an exploding light beam and flying through homes, businesses and schools, wreaking havoc and leaving...
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