US To Sell Iraq Antiquities

Funny story written by Chuck Barber

Sunday, 16 May 2004

image for US To Sell Iraq Antiquities
Do I Hear A Bid Of Five Dollars?

The Bush Administration announced on Sunday that they plan to sell Iraqi antiquities to help defray the cost of the war. Department of Defense spokesman Hiram Needel made the announcement at the regular Sunday midday press conference.

Needel disclosed that the decision had been made at the highest level in the US Government and was made ‘less because the war is so expensive, because, really, it isn't, but rather because they do not seem to really care about the items. They leave them outside in the rain and wind, sometimes even buried. As you saw a year ago, anyone can walk up and steal them anytime they want."

Needel went on to point out that the US Government planned to replace the items with papier-mâché models which are both less expensive than the originals and easily replaceable if damaged. "The Iraqis do not seem to care about these pieces, but others do care, and are willing to pay huge sums of money to own them. It seems unsound to risk the originals when they can be so easily replaced."

According to Needel, President Bush is fully behind the disposing of what some have called "pagan anti-Christian religious relics." "The President, basically, is pleased to be rid of them. He said to Secretary Rumsfeld just this morning, ‘heck, they're nothing but a bunch of old lions and bowls and stuff, anyway.'

Needle said the Department of Defense would accept offers for the Iraqi antiquities starting Tuesday, May 18, 2004 at noon, Eastern Standard Time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more