Elmo detained at Guantanamo Bay
Lovable and cuddly child icon Elmo was deported today to Camp X-ray, Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, charged with planning acts of terror against the state.
Read full storyUK Govt Considers Banning Bans
Today it was revealed that the UK cabinet is considering banning the tasteless meat substitute known as Quorn.
Read full storyKid demolishes West Bank Wall
A Palestinian boy drove his 1994 model toy car right into Israel's controversial West Bank Wall, leading to its collapse.
Read full storyMurdered With Own Saliva
A man in Columbus Ohio was stopped by two teens this morning and was beaten to death. It seems the victim was leaving a twenty four hour bubble blowing contest on the city's east side when the two youths jumped out of a stolen 1963 Ethelbaker and...
Read full storyInternational Space Station Controlled by "See-N-Say"
HOUSTON - Ground controllers for the International Space Station said today that, due to a failure of primary, secondary and tertiary control systems, the entire space station was now being controlled by a Mattel "See-N-Say" toy. The two c...
Read full storySUPREME COURT MAY NOT BE RENEWED FOR 2004-2005 SEASON
Washington (June 30) --- As the United States Supreme Court finishes up its current term, word is already circulating that the Bush administration may not pick up its option for the 2004-2005 season. Movers and shakers in both government and the med...
Read full storyIraq: Saddam to Be Tried on "American Idol"
BAGHDAD - In a surprise move, the new Iraqi government announced that Saddam Hussein would be tried not in an Iraqi court, but on the hit television show, "American Idol." Prime Minister Aldullah Watya-Saya told reporters, "The idea i...
Read full storyCuban "Pavel Podkolzin is not a soft White Man"
Dallas- Some in Dallas are worried that Pavel Podkolzin the new 7'5" center is another Shawn Bradley. "Not at all...", Mark...
Read full storyIraqi Interim Government Takes Control in First Full Day
BAGHDAD - After more than a year of American occupation, Iraq was ruled on Wednesday by an Iraqi interim government in its first full day. Prime Minister Aldullah Watya-saya said, "Today is a historic occasion. Today is the beginning of the ne...
Read full storyAn open letter to D'art re: Life
Dear D'art: Your father has asked several of his friends to contribute prose to a book that he is compiling for you. These people are some of the brightest and most talented individuals one could find anywhere; among them are doctors and lawyers, college professors and businessmen. These figures would be considered eminently successful from almost any vantage point. However, due to what...
Read full storyNancy Reagan: "I'm In Love Again"
LOS ANGELES - Only weeks after the death of her husband, former President Ronald Reagan, Nancy Reagan announced that she has found love again. The object of her affection is none other than 1980's TV star and bling-bling pioneer Mr. T. "He...
Read full storyAyava CEO announces he loves a Zebra
Dan Patterson, Chairman and CEO of Ayava Inc, manufacturer of Dyalasis machines and services to the Saudi royal family amongst others, announced today his impending marriage to Untembe a wild Zebra from Kenya. He and his fellow senior executives w...
Read full storyDennis to stop being a menace, may marry
Dennis the Menace, created by cartoonist Hank Ketcham, will no longer be the most enduringly irresistible imp in the world.
Read full storySupreme Court Says Men Win…Seats Can Stay Up!
WASHINGTON (BNN), June 30, 2004. - Saving their most important decision for the end of the current term, men everywhere hailed as historic the Supreme Court's decision striking down a controversial Texas state toilet seat law.
Read full storyThe Greatest Game in Water
Never have I seen such a display of pure athleticism, pure determination and pure agility in all my life. This past weekend, I was invited to an obscure sporting event just off the coast of Hawaii. I was intrigued by the invitation: it claimed to be 'not only the greatest sporting event ever, but also one of the greatest kegger parties in history.' Additionally, there would be particip...
Read full storyBush critics to migrate to Mars
Anti-United States President George W Bush Foundation members have, at a secret meeting, unanimously decided to migrate to Mars.
Read full storyWhite House allows children into the library for story time.
AP Washington DC- Today President George Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney took time off of their busy schedules to read to the children visiting the White House. A top ranking official called the spontaneous story time "an unprecedented day...
Read full storyAffleck Only Methane Vapor
LOS ANGELES - To the astonishment of his friends and family, Ben Affleck announced today that he was not, in fact, an actor, or even a person. "I'm really just one of Jennifer Lopez's biggest farts," he confessed rather sheepishly.
Read full storyAnnual Scientific Conference to Offer Dramatic Options, New Co-Sponsors
Washington, DC--For the first time in more than 40 years, the Annual Interscience Conference on Antimicrobial Agents and Chemotherapy (ICAAC), sponsored by the American Society for Microbiology and scheduled to be held here in fall 2004, will be co-s...
Read full storyCheney to Girl Scouts: "Eat Me"
WASHINGTON - Vice President Dick Cheney, recently overheard dropping the "F-bomb" to Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-Vermont, has struck again. At a brief photo op this morning, he told the members of Girl Scout Troop 1327 of Neurath, Alabama to &qu...
Read full storyMossad traitor Vanunu names Kissinger as Clinton's father
(Washington DC, Wednesday 30 June) Diplomatic sources close to the Russian embassy in the US were tonight frantically examining damage limitation initiatives following revelations by former Mossad spy Mordechai Vanunu that he is being targeted by f...
Read full storyWill the FCC fine Dick Cheney for the use of the F Word?
Vice President Dick Cheney according to his aides, was "just having a bad day", when he decided to tell Democratic Senator Patrick Leahy of Vermont to "f--- off" or "f--- yourself". What an F'ing hypocrite. Is this the same Dick Cheney who is the president of the Senate, where they voted last week 99-1 to up the ante with even more fines for broadcasters who ma...
Read full storyU.S. Coast Guard Save Most Lawyers
Key West, Florida, June 30, 2004. In what Navy and Coast Guard officials are calling "a direct result" of Monday's Supreme Court ruling that terrorists must be allowed access to the American justice system to contest their detention, 661 U.S.
Read full storyWoody Allen: "I'm Worried... I Think I'm Pregnant!"
Famous Dixieland musician and film director Woody Allen agreed to an interview with Spoof reporter, Morgan Truce while shooting the final scenes of his latest romantic comedy, "Memories of Rejection".
Read full storyWinslet turns down No Nudity Role
Computer Generated Actress Scarlett Johansson will star in Woody Allen's next project after Kate Winslet pulled out at the last minute, according to reports.
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Comments on the Values of America
President George W. Bush, speaking at the NATO Summit in Turkey said that embracing the principles of democracy does not mean embracing American culture. "Look at me," said President Bush during comments made at the Summit, " I'm the least cultural p...
Read full storyFORMER PRESIDENT BIKES BACK
Bill Clinton is tonight on the run in his home town of Little Rock, Arkansas, following several claims made by local children that he'd baited them with treats in order to gain access to their bikes and trikes. Clinton has not been seen in public...
Read full storyBush Proposes Law To Ban Hating Him
In response to the wildly popular Michael Moore documentary, Farenheit 9/11, President George Bush today proposed a new law which would make it a felony offense to hate him.
Read full storyRedux Movie in the Making; Bush Gives Iraq Sovereignty and Hussein Back
WASHINGTON, DC - With Iraq sovereign and in negotiations for custody of Saddam Hussein, the Bush administration has been holding closed door discussions with film producer Jerry Bruckheimer and self proclaimed philanthropist/media mogul Ted Turner fo...
Read full storyRepublicans Love Michael Moore's Satirical Comedy Fahrenheit 9/11!
Unconfirmed Sources report Republicans across the nation love Michael Moore's satirical treatment of the Bush administration. Republicans are flocking to theaters to see the new comedy Fahrenheit 9/11 and are telling their friends about it. Exit...
Read full storyIraq Sort of Gets it's Country Back
The turnover of Sovereignty in Iraq has occurred two days early in the greatest of secrecy and under heavy security. President George W. Bush received the word of the transfer in a note from Condoleezza Rice while at a NATO Summit in Turkey. Mr. Bush...
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