Oil hits $42 a barrel
Washington, DC-- Under immense market pressure, oil hit $42 a barrel today, and all Americans began feeling the pinch. "Do you want fries with that?" has been replaced with "Do you your fries cooked, nominal extra charge?"...
Read full storyZeus to light torch at Athen's Olympics ceremony
ATHENS, Greece -- Zeus, the supreme ruler of Mount Olympus and of the Pantheon of gods who resided there, has agreed to take part in the opening ceremonies of the 2004 Summer Olympic Games in Athens.
Read full storyThis Week's Gossip Roundup…Hair's to Donald; Those Crazy Talented Jacksons…
In a surprise move, business mogul and reality television star Donald Trump, has filed a petition with the United States Patent and Trademark Office seeking to trademark bad hair. Trump claims his name has become synonymous with bad ha...
Read full storyJohn Prescott visits USA & hits Colin Powell
British Deputy Prime Minister John 'Jabba the Hut' Prescott continued is world tour in a bid to gain friends in governments around the world for the Labour Party to impress voters back in the UK for upcoming elections, unfortunately, he came to blows...
Read full storyAmerican Terrorist: Tonight's Finale Pits Aafia Against Adam
Capping off 9 weeks of intense competition between a bevy of hard-bitten amateur terrorists, it all comes down to this: Will Aafia Siddiqui, the ‘woman with a thousand faces', keep wowing judges with her fashion-forward disguises and multiple passpor...
Read full storyRev. Kerry to Replace Billy Graham
Charlotte North Carolina (AP) The Billy Graham Evangelistic Association announced this morning that Rev. John Kerry will be replacing the aging Dr. Graham. "We have been searching for a new leader for the Crusade for over a year. Our hearts and...
Read full storyCows In Butterfly Backlash
Police have urged residents of a sleepy Hampshire village not to leave their homes after 9pm this Sunday as a protest march, with full union backing, has been organised by local action group, Cows On Opium, (COO). COO are protesting against farmer Hubert Sciatica's decision to house potentially dangerous butterflies in a field adjacent to their own.
Read full storyMan who may be an island under scrutiny
SUEY, Bermuda - The term "No man is an island" will be retired, say literary experts, now that a man who has been an island all of his life has been identified.
Read full storyTerror pterodactyl may attack soon
The U.S. has received credible "chatter" that al-Qaeda may or may not try to attack the U.S. within the next 12 to 1,200 days, perhaps using a plane, a train, acid rain … or worse, a giant man-eating pterodactyl. Justice Department wacko John Ash...
Read full storyBeer Shortage!
Milwaukee USA (AP) Jack Potts of the National Beer Wholesalers Association warns that the demand for beer this summer may outrun dwindling supplies. "A disaster in the 2003 hops crop has all breweries curtailing production beginning this past mo...
Read full storyAlistair Campbell appointed head of communications to new Iraqi cabinet
(Baghdad, Tuesday). In a widely predicted move, former 10 Downing Street spin doctor Alistair Campbell has confirmed he has accepted the post of Director of Communications to the fledgling Iraqi cabinet. Sources close to his wallet confirm that the...
Read full storyNew Iraqi President looks, talks tough
BAGDHAD, Iraq -- The tribal leader Ghazi al-Yawar has become the president of Iraq's interim government after a leading candidate favored by the Bush administration refused the position because he said he was "scared sh**less."...
Read full storyDerek Jeter Signs with Lakers
Bo Jackson did it. Deion Sanders did it also. And now, here comes Derek Jeter.
Read full story"Big Brother" to wed
MENWITH HILL, England -- Finally, after working so hard over the last fifty years, Big Brother announced his engagement to Australian Jean Okiddin, and beating the sure-to-come ribbing from the media, introduced her as "Big Sister."...
Read full storyTownspeople fail to realize irony of video stuck in tree
(Mazon, Ill.) -- The people of Mazon, located in downstate Illinois, failed to realize the irony of a VHS copy of "Twister" stuck in a tree after Sunday's tornados.
Read full storyOmarosa Largely Forgotten
Omarosa, the woman some people remember as "conniving, obnoxious and a jerk" from a TV show hosted by "some white creep" has largely been forgotten.
Read full storyLast Star Wars Film Cancelled
Announcing he's got plenty of money and has run out of ideas, George Lucas is calling it quits.
Read full storyEEU To Outlaw Pleasure
Speaking from Belgium, EEU Commissioner Flon Borquest announced that next on the EEU's agenda is a proposal to outlaw pleasure.
Read full storyBush Burns American Flag
While practicing for a Memorial Day speech and at the same time cooking hamburgers on a outdoor grill at Camp David, President George W. Bush set a US flag on fire.
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