Toxteth - (Alien Mess): A phallic-shaped UFO spotted over the UK's former slave trade capital has sparked fears that the Queen will be abducted during her official visit on Friday.
Queen Elizabeth II, Pretender to the disputed Throne of England, and her husband Prince Philip are to have turkey for dinner tonight.
Ankara, Turkey - (Deep Throat Mess): The Puppet Monarch's Anatolian official visit has been branded a disaster after she choked on a piece of Turkish delight at state dinner last night.
London - (Preposterous Mess): Rotten luck for silly Canadian social climber Autumn Kelly and jumped-up nobody Peter Philips, upstart son of Princess Anus: their bid to tie the knot in Windsor Castle next weekend is on the rocks.
Frankfurt-am-Main - (Rotters): A German artist has promised Queen Elizabeth's relatives five trillion euro if they agree to arrange for her to spend her dying hours in his Dusseldorf art gallery.
Many royals held in captivity have "pure-bred ancestry" and could play a key role in the survival of their diminishing population, a study suggests.
London - (Rotters): The legendary St George's Day Mushroom (Calocybe gambosa) has been spotted growing under a Weeping Korean Blue Pine (Pinus PyongYang Mutatis Bwa-ha-ha) on a Buckingham Palace lawn sending shivers of dread among superstitious r...
The Princess Diana Murder Inquest ended this week, but a theatre company has announced that it has plans to take a musical review of the inquest on tour around the country in time for the Summer Holiday season.
Sir Elton John, the Official Songwriting Genius to Her Majesty the Queen, has today announced that he is to write another new song to commemorate the end of the Princess Diana Murder Inquest, which f...
The Queen has set up her own special Royal Channel on YouTube - and her Christmas Day Message will be posted on the popular video-sharing website for the first time in later this year.
Buckingham Palace - (Silly Ass Mess): The Queen has told social services to find Prince Philip a place in an old folks home after finally booting him out of the Palace.
Prince Philip has been admitted to hospital after Royal medical experts said he had contracted a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD), Buckingham Palace has announced. It's thought it may be one of the &quo...
Bookmaker Dwain Chambers has been offering odds of 10,000 to 1 on the Queens horse Norfolk n Chance completing both circuits of the gruelling Aintree Race Course let alone win the race.
London - (Ass Mess): "A lavishly revamped coat of arms featuring ancestral Puppet Monarchy symbols is to be unveiled this week," a Royal Mint source said today.
London - (Recession Mess): A glittering diamond wedding anniversary celebration for the Puppet Monarch has been cancelled suddenly after the hosts went bust in a massive Bush hedge fund bomb.
Windsor Castle - (Zyklon B Mess): The newly revamped Herman Goering Suite awaits France's Nazi collaborating President Nicholas Sarkozy and his Opus Dei fag hag Carla Brunei.
A helium filled balloon will carry Her Majesty the Queen to a writers' festival to be held this Wednesday near London's financial district, a tabloid newspaper reported today.
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