Ankara, Turkey - (Deep Throat Mess): The Puppet Monarch's Anatolian official visit has been branded a disaster after she choked on a piece of Turkish delight at state dinner last night.
Minutes earlier she had urged Turkish President Abdullah Gul to join the Commonwealth so that "for an appropriate consideration" she might shoehorn Turkey's application to join the EU:
"About £50 million in untraceable notes should do it," the silly old Jemima Puddleduck character claimed.
Whether Turks ever want to join any Commonwealth headed by Adolf Hitler's daughter is another mater, of course.
Just as she sat down after her speech a silver platter of local sweetmeats was proferred to the ageing octogenarian tribute artiste.
One bite later and Old Fatty Mountbatten was foaming at the mouth, clasping her throat and spitting out little pinkish rubbery bit uncouthly all over the Turkish government's ceremonial state napery.
British Foreign Minister David Milliband wept openly as HM was wheeled out to an emergency resuscitation unit in Ankara's presidential palace.
