London - (Preposterous Mess): Rotten luck for silly Canadian social climber Autumn Kelly and jumped-up nobody Peter Philips, upstart son of Princess Anus: their bid to tie the knot in Windsor Castle next weekend is on the rocks.
Months of preparation have been scuppered after a one mile exclusion zone was imposed on all Puppet Monarchy tribute artistes who have leeched off the royal estates in their bid for megabux celebrity.
The pair had hoped for a freebie handout by booking Windsor Castle as their wedding venue followed by a lavish banquet in the baronial state dining room.
"They can bugger off to the local Burger King for the wedding breakfast," one of the Castle's Beefeater security team said today.
"As for the wedding ceremony itself, well Slough Crematorium down the road now holds a licence for such shenanigans apparently."
Camilla is sick as a parrot.
