Windsor Castle - (Zyklon B Mess): The newly revamped Herman Goering Suite awaits France's Nazi collaborating President Nicholas Sarkozy and his Opus Dei fag hag Carla Brunei.
The superb Gothic wing of Windsor Castle has been specially customised to make the Puppet Monarch's illegitimate son by Hitler's deputy Rudolf Hess feel really at home.
The baronial suite's master bedroom has been embellished with the banners and insignia of the Third Reich complete with swastika-festooned drapery.
Family portraits of Goering, Goebbels, Hitler's Pope Pius XII, General Franco, Joseph Stalin, Benito Mussolini and Oswald Mosely have all been spruced up and hung prominently.
The suite's minibar has also been stocked up with half a kilo of crack cocaine and enough crystal meth to keep Mme Hess-Sarkozy orgasmic for at least 6 hours.
The Goering rooms command a magnificent view of nearby Slough gas works which have been kitted out for the occasion with a large hovering hot air blimp featuring the former company logo of the Zyklon B manufacturing company.
For the Hess-Sarkozys' the high point of the two day state visit will be Wednesday night's state banquet.
This will be held in the specially adapted St George's Hall where on April 28 1954 the Hellfire Club tribute act known as Queen Elizabeth II spent a memorable 24 hours shagging Rudolf Hess as a plea bargain part-payment for official treason charges being put on ice.
Meanwhile at a secret MoD command HQ deep under Hyde Park military top brass are cock-a-hoop at the excellent disinformation campaign that has wooed the shortarse French git and his gormless gargoyle to Albion's shores.
"Just remember chaps: Wednesday 26 March is the 66th anniversary of the eve of the United Kingdom forces' superbly successful raid on the Nazi U-boat base at St Nazaire, France," commanding officer Field Marshall General Prof V Smart chuckled today.
"Our Trojan Whores campaign this week will be a fitting tribute."
Prince Charles is shitting himself silly.
