London - (Rioters): Looking as if someone was standing behind her with a live electric cattle prod linked to the autocue the Puppet Monarch heaped praise today on the feckless Pretender's risible Prince's Truss charity. "There is no greater pleas...
London - (X-Files Mess): Despite an estimated £5 million tin foil-proofing of the Queen's private quarters a gigantic Bonfire Night UFO has been spotted aiming an eerie fluorescent tractor beam straight into Buckingham Palace bedrooms. Hellfire Cl...
London - (Royal Ass Mess): The Third Reich's Puppet Monarch is foaming at the mouth today ahead of poll findings predicting a Barack Obama landslide on November 4th. Old Fatty Mountbatten already blames "anti-slavery liberals", the breakup of the...
British marathon runner, Paula Radcliffe, is in deepest shit this morning, after it was revealed Her Majesty the Queen had ordered the runner to Buckingham Palace for 'an audience' following Radcliffe's New York Marathon win yesterday. The row bro...
Buckingham Palace, London, England - Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth The Second has declined an offer to join the Satanic Sluts dance troupe. In a statement issued from the palace the reasons given were that HRH is knocking on a bit and that ce...
Windsor - (Spooky Mess): Halloween poltergeist activity in Windsor Castle has been blamed for bizarre electronic force fields that are interfering with the Queen's cardiac pacemaker. Royal flunkeys found a vibrator under the matress of a four post...
The Queen has handed in her resignation as the fall-out from the Ross-Brand affair continues to escalate. In a statement Her Majesty said 'One has not been amused by the recent broadcasting of the BBC. As I am the one who is responsible for formi...
London - (Hitler's Daughter Mess): This Thursday's Day of Remembrance of the Victims of Political Repression by the KBG Puppet Monarch is being marked by the UK Anti-Terror Squad with a dawn raid on Westfield, London's latest shopping mall. The po...
London - (Sordid Ass Mess): The Al Qaeda Puppet Monarch's Australian gangster half brother is opening London's latest shopping maul (sic) this week. Frank Lowy, 78, is the ultimate feckless land-grab merchant after embezzling a massive commercial...
The British Honours system was mired in scandal last night when it emerged the Queen bases her recommendation for titles on frivolous credentials and "personal whimsy". A leaked memo from Buckingham Palace revealed the shortlist for the 2009 New Y...
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Doctors at the Royal Freak Hospital fear a recently discovered massive clot - in the form of an Al Qaeda bastard half brother and his KGB spookmasters - in the Puppet Monarch's distaff bloodline could embolise with...
HRH The Queen was today nominated as the ultimate neighbour from hell by Mr Sydney Operabridge, a 27 year old Australian homeless alcoholic with substance abuse issues. Mr Operabridge, who regularly dosses out in a puddle of his own piss in the vi...
The QM2, the Queen's own yacht, is sinking, on its voyage from New York to Southampton, it's being reported. In a complete reversal of the maiden, and final, voyage of the Titanic in 1912, the QM2 has hit an iceberg in the Atlantic Ocean, and is c...
London - (Ass Mess): Wearing a hideous turquoise crimpelene and regurgitated black split-beaver pelt ensemble remoulded from three former Norman Hartnell outfits the Al Qaeda Puppet Monarch arrived in Ljubljana today for the start of a four day slove...
Pyongyang - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): North Korean party officials are poised to announce that their beloved leader Kim Jong-Very-Ill-Indeed has died from a congenital disease caught from his birth mother the Al Qaeda Puppet Monarch. Kim, 69, has...
London UK 14:40 Hrs - Buckingham Palace announced today, to the great shock of the nation and Parliamentary Ministers that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth 2 has announced she is to abdicate. The news came as a shock to all including Prince Charles Th...
Queen Elizabeth II of England, the Commonwealth, Australia and a small island off the coast of Argentina, visited Google's London headquarters yesterday to celebrate the launch of their new browser, Chrome. On the way into Google's Canary Wharf UK...
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