London - (X-Files Mess): Despite an estimated £5 million tin foil-proofing of the Queen's private quarters a gigantic Bonfire Night UFO has been spotted aiming an eerie fluorescent tractor beam straight into Buckingham Palace bedrooms.
Hellfire Club grandees believe the alien craft originally salvaged scraps of DNA from 1603 Gunpowder Plot traitors Robert Catesby and Guy Fawkes shortly before they were burned at the stake for high treason.
Their genetic material was then reconfigured and implanted into the Puppet Monarch's private orifice on her wedding night in 1947.
"You only have to look at the alien spawn that masquerade as her children to get the picture," a Hellfire source commented today.
A number of subsequent UFO egg harvestings was regularly carried out during obstetric abduction procedures billed as 'Official Royal State Visits to Her Majesty's Commonwealth Dependencies.'
Legend has it the UFO mothership will make its final foray into Old Fatty Mountbatten's bedroom to retrieve the remaining Gunpowder Plot conspirators' ovarian implant "when Senator John McCain is crowned President of the United States of America."
Barack Obama is an also-ran.