The schoolchildren had been quarantined in Shanghai for showing symptoms of Swine Flu - or had they? Tawnie Madras (14) was one of the first to be released from the hotel in which they had been confined. "The treatment was kinda scary" comments...
It has been today announced that the nation faces a huge deficit in the country's current account. Apparently, spending has exceeded income by £42 billion and we are overdrawn! The Bank of England has written to Prime Minister Gordon Brown to s...
No, Peter (Dark Lord) Mangelson is not the neighbour you would want. But why? Is it the smell of burning sulphur that permeates the atmosphere when he exhales? Is it that he has spun himself from Satan to Saviour in a few short weeks? Could it be that his time as European Commissioner For Something Or Other, secured for him by his best bud, Tony Bliar took him out of the public eye un...
President Barracks Obama's newly announced re-energising of the Space Programme has led to an unexpected phenomenon. Hundreds of thousands of acres of the Nevada Desert have been bought up by speculators keen to cash in on the moon and Mars landin...
We have all been mystified by the Cillit Bang! TV commercials. We have all asked ourselves - why do I remember the words "Cillit Bang!?" The answer has been revealed in a consumers magazine report. According to the report, normally only read by th...
There will be no more bacon until Cherie Blair reveals where she got her swine flu. The probability exists that Ms Blair has used undue influence to obtain a better virus than that available to the man in the street. Parliamentary Expenses investi...
In a staggering revelation, scientists have today revealed that the world's best loved "cute" animal species are fakes - yes - FAKES! The species in question, Meerkats, Seals, Chimpanzees, Baby Deer, lambs, squirrels, calves, little chicks and all...
Very soon, Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom will be able to breathe a sigh of relief as the burden of monarchy is lifted from her ageing shoulders. For there is to be a new Head of State in the person of Anthony (Tony) Blair, when he becom...
Scientists have confirmed that the type of Swine Flu experienced by men is much more painful and distressing than that contracted by women. Men, on detecting the first symptoms, are advised to go home, lie on the couch and watch TV. Fluid intak...
All the competing democracies have now selected and announced their Waterboarding teams. With a history stretching back to the Pol Pot regime in post-Vietnam Kampuchea and perfected by a number of countries since, Waterboarding is about to become...
In a sickening development, it has today been revealed that Michael Jackson was the victim of a suicide attempt by a third party. Jackson had been mainlining M&Ms for days and was on an blissful chocolate high when a would-be ninja assassin bu...
When the Daily Mail can publish headlines like "Husband Poisoned Ex-Wife By Slipping Mercury In Her Tea So He Could Rekindle Their Relationship" what's the point of trying to spoof that? Or "Give Over - No Way - Is That Obama? Life Size Figure in...
The Nobel Institute has today announced that President Barracks Obama has been nominated to receive the 2009 Peace Prize for Best Patronising Speech in Africa. Mr Obama secured the nomination for his keynote speech on arrival in Ghana when he prom...
Serial womaniser and part time Italian President Silvio Berlusconi has scored with Michelle Obama. He was seated beside her at the welcome dinner for the world leaders attending the G8 summit. There was some chat, many smiles and some very obvi...
We've all been there when the call comes - "Is there a doctor in the house"? On this occasion however it was not until a packed Boeing 747 charter flight to exclusive tropical hideaway Magaluf with 982 Liverpudlian holidaymakers on board appealed...
Shocking revelations have today revealed that Formula 1 supremo, Bernie Ecllestone was, from 1940 to 1944, Adolf Hitler's test pilot. Up to now, historians have assumed that the fabled Hanna Reitsch who once flew a Messerschmidt jet fighter betwee...
In a bid to reduce the threat posed by methane emissions, the G8 Summit will today hear from the British Chancellor of the Exchequer. Alistair Dearest will announce an international agreement to impose a Flatulence Activated Recycling Tax to be br...
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