In a staggering revelation, scientists have today revealed that the world's best loved "cute" animal species are fakes - yes - FAKES!
The species in question, Meerkats, Seals, Chimpanzees, Baby Deer, lambs, squirrels, calves, little chicks and all the other cutesy stuff have been exposed as streetwise, cunning animals.
The shock revelations were revealed by Professor Aloysius Ferretstrangler after the publication of his report "Bite Hell in Research Lab", commissioned by Cherie Blair - herself a Grinning Gibbon - in a poor attempt to spin her husband's doomed campaign to become EU president by pretending that he gives a stuff about anything but his personal ambition.
Professor Ferretstrangler reports "I put my finger in the woodpecker's hole and the woodpecker said - well bless my soul - and then it bit me.
I continued the experiment with all of the "cute" animals - and, to one degree or another, they all bit, pecked or at the very least, maliciously sucked me.
It's time these con artists were exposed" says the Professor - "old ladies are leaving their estates to cats' homes. Children are being indoctrinated by vegetarian teachers into believing in mammalian cuteness".
PETA and ALF remain in conference to decide upon their response to this devastating report, whilst the RSPCA has been disbanded.
