It's said in the Bible that Jesus died and 'arose' 3 days later. Not true. In fact he'd had so much to drink at the last supper that he was quite 'pissed'. The next day he was still drunk but managed to carry a huge wooden cross up a big hill. It's true, he did stumble a few times but it was because he was bloody well drunk. When he was 'on' the cross it is said that someone passed up a s...
Let's get to Noah and his big, huge, enormous, gigantic, supersized bleeding ark. It baffles me how anyone in their right mind, or indeed, anyone out of their mind, could possible 'believe' this story. Noah is supposed to have built the vessel. OK, maybe he did. Then he loaded it with 2 of every animal on the planet. Yeah right! First, did he go around the world taking notes of how man...
Who the hell was it that found the 10 Commandments? Moses, right? Carved in stone they were. Well if dinosaur fossils can STILL be found after millions of years, how come we can't find the bloody stones that Moses said he found? What the hell did he do with them, build a new bleeding patio? Or, maybe use them as a foundation for his new shed? That reminds me, some bloody Jehova's Witn...
I am sick and tired of the Bible and its Myths, which you will have figured out if you've been 'reading' this series. My good dog....They said Jesus walked on water. So what the bejeezers is great about that? People in cold climates do it all the freaking time. For Pete's sake - we call the water ICE. Joseph was said to be the biological father of Jesus. Joseph was a bleeding carpenter...
OK CHRISTIANS - NO APOLOGY FROM ME. YOU WERE WARNED IN THE FIRST 3 ARTICLES. OK. So I find myself today speaking about the story of the poor fella Lazarus. I do believe it was said in the famous 'Bible' that Lazarus was raised from the dead by Jesus himself. Well, let me tell you about Lazarus. He was the 'town drunk' and was forever passing out on the street. Parents tried to keep t...
CHRISTIAN READERS, WELL FOR ONE THING, YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE READING THE SPOOF. BUT...IF YOU ARE....ANOTHER WARNING THAT THE FOLLOWING WILL EITHER BE 'OFFENSIVE TO YOU' OR 'AN EDUCATION'. YOUR DECISION. OK. THE SO CALLED MIRACLE OF THE LOAVES AND THE FISHES The Bible (I HAVE to type it with a capital 'B' otherwise the Christians will begin to hate me). The Bible tells a story about...
AGAIN - IF YOU ARE CHRISTIAN DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER. YOU ARE BOUND TO BE EITHER ANGRY OR 'BETTER EDUCATED' THE CHOICE IS YOURS TO MAKE. OK. Daniel in the lion's den. Daniel was a bit of a wimp and was bullied in school. After a few weeks into the new 'term' he told a story about being in a lion's den, to impress his classmates. There were no witnesses and so Daniel was asked to 'prove'...
WARNING! PLEASE DON'T READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN AS THIS MAY OFFEND YOU: YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! The first thing I challenge is The Virgin Birth. Give me a break. Mary and Joseph had been 'getting it on' and she became pregnant. Panic-stricken, she made up a story and people were SO desperate to believe in 'something' as they were all afraid of dying, they believed her story.
And Jesus did enter into James' house and didst say unto him "You are my beloved. I love you more than any of the other guys who I hang around with." And James did blush at the words of Jesus. For James did worship Jesus and did regularly go down on his knees before him. They went to James' bedroom and they did remain there for three whole days. On the third day they rose, as if from the dea...
A biblical quote is to be put on the rifles of British and American soldiers to try and put an end to the pointless deaths. All rifles will now have the words THOU SHALL NOT KILL written on the gun so will it work. Will it hell two thousand years...
Weapon dealers selling rifles to US forces with Bible references imprinted on gunsights are being forced to remove the inscriptions. The US military is worried that soldiers might read them, fell sorry for their enemies, turn the other cheek, offe...
Religious historians researching in the Dead Sea Scrolls and other ancient writings have determined that the Bigfoot monster is none other than Cain, the son of Adam who slew his brother Abel. This evidence was found in scrolls discovered in Syria,...
Branson, Missouri - Andy Schlafly, son of Phyllis Schlafly, is picking up where his mother left off. "She was always too liberal", he said in an interview. "Sure, she campaigned against women's rights, but you'll note that she never campaigned agai...
Chandler, Arizona - In a lightening raid, and aided by local law enforcement, a seven member team from the Israeli army captured the last Midianite-American. It is believed that he is in actuality, the last Midianite, period. Andy Frank, who had...
In an incredible coincidence after the lost Gospel of St. Michael was found earlier this week, another one, the Gospel of St. Obama, was discovered in the ruins of the Lebanese town of Yanqi Kanonfodda. Here it is: 'Joseph was a carpenter, and verily took Mary of Kennerty as his wife, though Mary was of child. And Mary had a son, and that son was called Baraq Hussein Obama. And Obama was a wise...
The missing Gospel of St. Michael has been discovered in a cave in southern Syria, and here it is: 'And in the land of Judah a baby was born, and he was named Michael, meaning squeaker, and three scribes from the Far East of Londonium arrived, bearing gifts. And Michael's mother was Mary, and she was much pleased with her son, for he looked much like she did. And soon Michael and his family...
In what is shocking news for millions of Christians around the world, four heaven students have admitted they wrote the bible stories as a joke. Heaven law students, Mathew, Mark, Luke and John said they wrote the stories about their best mate Jesus...
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