Myths from the Bible: Part 1

Funny story written by Lady Godiva

Friday, 19 March 2010

image for Myths from the Bible: Part 1
Virgin birth my eye! The only virgin was Jesus himself

WARNING! PLEASE DON'T READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ARE A CHRISTIAN AS THIS MAY OFFEND YOU: YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!


The first thing I challenge is The Virgin Birth. Give me a break. Mary and Joseph had been 'getting it on' and she became pregnant. Panic-stricken, she made up a story and people were SO desperate to believe in 'something' as they were all afraid of dying, they believed her story.

Her parents went along with it so as not to bring shame on the family. Little did they know what they had started with that one lie.

As for the old Testament story about Moses and the burning bush. For crying out loud, he was one of the first arsonists and rather than being accused of trying to set a forest fire - he told some story about a vision.

In later years, he wandered about in the desert for 40 years, just because he was a MAN and wouldn't ask for directions.

As to Lot's wife being turned to a pillar of salt (it was actually stone) for daring to look back after being warned not to. Total myth. Lot had 'crossed' the Desert Mafia so they took his wife and made her a cement suit.

As to Jesus turning water into wine.... he was making home-made wine and selling it illegally on the black market by advertising it as 'Spring Water'. It was sold in earthenware jars and those 'in the know' purchased it.

When they got home they poured off the top third, which actually WAS water, removed a piece of pottery with a special tool, and were then able to access the wine.

The drinking of alcohol was strictly prohibitted and punishable by removal of the tongue. Therefore, when caught, the people in possession of the wine said to the 'officials' that they truly believed they had purchased water and proved it by asking the officials to take a drink from the un-opened jars. Then they claimed that the ones they had been drinking from had miraculously turned into wine which was surely a miracle and not their fault.

People believed in miracles back then so they avoided prosecution. Any jars containing wine were confiscated, of course, and the officials would paaaaarrrrtyyy 'till they dropped'.

More Mythis of the Bible to follow.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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