NASA scientists were celebrating today after snapping a picture of the most distant object in the universe. The object, designated Swineflu 91, is barely visible to the naked eye, fuzzy in a pair of 10x50 binoculars, and jumps around a lot when viewe...
The tribunal took place yesterday of two ambulance workers accused of gross misconduct after being called to the home of Guitarist Brian May. The two paramedics - named as Robert Brown and Alan Davies worked for the Greater London Ambulance Servic...
Queen guitarist Brian May was yesterday left needing surgery after becoming impaled on a large telescope. May 62, a Doctor of Science, was partying with pals when the incident occurred. A neighbour, Donald Pewson, 85 said "I heard shouting and lau...
If skies are cloudy today, go out at sunrise and look for the giant moon rising in the morning. It will be the brightest one of 2007, sure to wow observers. Earth, the moon and the stars are all bound together by string, which keeps us going aroun...
(Washington DC)-- Astronomer Richard C. Hogland announced he's discovered an 'ass' on Mars. Mr. Hogland is best known for discovering the 'Face on Mars' many years ago. He noted the ass is exactly 180 degrees from the Cydonia plain, where the Face...
Japan - It's not just couples that are getting together this Fucksgiving week. The three brightest objects in the night sky - Anus, Penis and a crescent moonie - will crowd around each other for an unusual group shag. Starting Fucksgiving evening,...
Washington DC-- The nation's top astronomers met behind closed doors with the president and military leaders at the White House this morning. The astronomers had grim news from Outer Space-- the sun is dead. It looks like it died on Election Day. T...
Outer Space - (ASStronomy Mess): A NASA probe may be sent to the zodiac's fabled stellar giant Orion to solve the mystery of gamma ray bursts within the constellation's black holes. A massive laser stimulation may then be put into operation using...
Dayton, Ohio (IPP) - The next solar cycle was assigned the number 24 but has been canceled by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Scientists were able to predict that this cycle would have been 30% to 50% stronger than the previous solar cyc...
A new paper published in the journal Science by astronomers from the National Cosmological Center concludes that our solar system really isn't that interesting.
While looking through the main telescope of the Winkenblinken Public Observatory last month, prominent psychiatrist A. Gorden Crumgranit discovered a previously unknown planet revolving around a nearby star. Astronomers have confirmed that the plane...
Mount Palomar, California (IP) - Astronomer Dr. Povenmire Finootch found a tiny galaxy half way across the universe (which is kind of odd since the universe is infinite in size and so where is the half way point of forever ?).
Lima Beana, Peru (IP) - Astronomy professor and noxious meteorite scientist specialist, Dr. Povenmire Finootch has been warning the Earth for months that the planet Pluto posed a terroristic threat to Earthlings. The planet had become extremely angr...
Following the recent discovery of a Giant Empty Hole in Outer Space that is up to 100 Billion Light Years Wide, Royal Chief Astronomer Professor Von Nerdlinger was asked for his incisive comments.
Mount Palomar, California (IP) Britney Spears has just graduated from Mount Palomar's University of Astronomy and Astrophysics earning her PhD in cosmology with a specialty in stellar evolution and quantum mechanics as well as a minor in universa...
FLAGSTAFF (AP Newsliar) -- The Moon was stolen last night by an evil space giant, officials at the Lowell Observatory confirmed today.
Outer Space - (Cosmic Press): The Ministry of Space has confirmed the discovery of the near-perfect Red Square nebula in the Alpha and Omega quadrant at whose heart is a giant white death star named MWC 922.
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