Outer Space - (Cosmic Press): The Ministry of Space has confirmed the discovery of the near-perfect Red Square nebula in the Alpha and Omega quadrant at whose heart is a giant white death star named MWC 922.
The discovery, sighted on Friday the 13th April using the 200-inch Hale Telescope at Caltech's Palomar Observatory and the Keck-2 Telescope in Hawaii, when viewed in the infrared "looks an awful lot like the Hong Kong Regional Flag" according to star-spotters at the Jodrell Bank observatory.
The ominous portent-value of the discovery has shattered soothsayers and sign-watchers worldwide as they marvel at the cosmic light show's astrological impact:
"As Above So Below," said a very worried psychic clairvoyant stargazer.
"This is the sign we have been told to wait for. Judgement Day is around the corner."
The nebula is said to resemble 'a giant, glowing red box in the sky, with a bright white inner core.'
The MWC 922 death star has been described as being sited bang in the middle of the system's center and looks like it is 'spewing its innards from opposite poles' into outer space.
"This spectacular event is the death of a megastar," said the president of the World Astronomy Council.
"When the phenomenon is over and MWC 922 ejects most of its matter into space, it will shrink into a dense stellar corpse.
"This known as a classic white dwarf, shrouded by clouds of its own remains.
"We thought we might come across this when the old Queen Mum died but were disappointed."
The Red Square nebula has caused consternation across former cold war states as well as near-panic in Hong Kong.
"The sheer maths of it all is mind-blowing," said a NASA commentator. "Such a high degree of regularity points to the shock and awe possibility that bands of energy are casting shadows via periodic ripples on the surface of an inner disk close to the star at the heart of the system."
At the Kremlin a worried Vladimir Putin has ordered a top-level probe into the numerology of the event and warned that Moscow's very own landmark Red Square could be in the equation for a cosmic shakedown of biblical proportions.
Astronomy professors around wthe world are convinced that the Red Square nebula is the the most mathematically perfect phenomenon ever encounted by human beings:
"Pythagoras would have been overjoyed had he been alive today. And Albert Einstein probably would have ordered an immediate multi-billion dollar Space Program probe launch to monitor the array."
Watch this space...
