CLEVELAND, Ohio - A strange new species has been discovered on the banks of Lake Erie. It's not clear whether this animal is a fish, mammal, marsupial, reptile, or even a bird. It may even be an insect. The creature ran up to an elderly man taking...
BRONX, New York - The Bronx Zoo has informed the New York City Police Department that Barbie, one of their Australian kangaroos has jumped out of her escape-proof enclosure and vaulted the zoo grounds six-foot-tall fence. Ingrid Chainmill, 27, who...
In Mississippi, where wild donkeys are often seen walking the landscape in search of rough scrub and brush foliage, a woman found a young malnourished foal in need of attention. "I saw the little guy limping in my back yard and cried for the poor...
BOISE, Idaho - Idaho has become the first state in the union to pass a new road kill bill. According to state Senator Brogan F. Candlefish [D-Pocatello], the bill registered as Idaho Road Kill Bill 001 states that anyone who runs over any type of...
Responsible pet owner Brentson Whitman, 32, quietly and carefully fulfilled the social contract to care for the waste deposited by his three year old Jack Russell Terrier "Oscar Wilde" by delicately and silently removing the small coil of doggy-doo...
Animal rights groups have brought to BATTL news attention that due to financial constraints more and more people are dumping their pets. This is despicable treatment of a living creature that relys on us for love, support and sustenance. Aren't we as humans supposed to be inventive and adaptable? Weren't we the ones who put a man on the moon and invented Velcro? If we are this all conquering,...
London, United Kingdom. In news rapidly evolving over eons, the gamekeepers of Her Majesty's parks and reserves have voted to go on strike for 48 hours effective midnight Thursday to agitate for a 2% increase in pay which would bring them in line wit...
NORFOLK, Virginia - The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals have gone to Congress to state their case regarding the wanton ingesting of animal crackers throughout America. PETA's Executive Director Mimosa Ledbetter told the news media that...
HELENA, Montana - The Montana State Senate acting at the request of thousands of its citizens has enacted a new roadkill bill. The bill, which was spearheaded by Senator Wendell T. Tibbinsky [R-Missoula] states that citizens of Montana will now be...
Rupert was a man from the back streets of Kensington. He lived out of a modest five bedroom apartment and survived on a mere £200,000 per year. Unfortunately for Rupert his world soon became shattered and broken and he could no longer afford a nanny to look after Francesca and Tarquin so he decided to feed the nanny to his 500ft long tarantula's. The tarantula's were highly maintained and demanded...
Isle of Wight residents are reminded to move their calendars forward tonight to 2013. Despite the annual spring reminder and widespread use of the Internet there are many hold outs to sharing the 2013 calendar across the island with many communities...
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil - A League made up of nine South American countries, who share in the Amazon Rainforest, has decided to act on a very important issue facing the area. Alejandro Alfredo Chimichanga, who is the President of the nine nation gr...
A grotesque, bloated beast has been found washed ashore by a dog walker in Tenby, West Wales. The hideous, "Beast of Tenby" has a bloated body, which is partially covered in dark fur. It looks like a hybrid, of a dog, horse and a pig. It's mouth...
TARZANA, California - Kim Kardashian and her boyfriend Kanye West were spotted at The Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo, hand-feeding some of the animals. Kim was carrying around a 10 pound sack of petting zoo food while Kanye made call after call on...
It was reported recently that Schonbrunn Zoo in Vienna have artificially inseminated a pachyderm with frozen sperm from an African elephant. Sadly, the world seems to have forgotten.....it was 20 years ago today Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play...
Washington DC: Based on recommendations of the US Fish and Wildlife Service (FWS) President Obama has placed the Nauga on the endangered species list (ESL). The endangered species act (ESA) was passed by Congress in 1973. The USFWS can decide to...
The double island nation of New Zealand is taking the bold step of making both islands national parks and taking the world's species to roam free in one giant zoo. "New Zealand has a vast range of habitats," said tourism minister, Hacker McClacker...
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