Royal correspondents were today left bemused by reports of bongo drums being played in the gardens of Buckingham Palace in the early hours of yesterday morning. This report comes less than a week after chicken carcasses were reportedly found than...
France - The likeness to Uncle Joe Stalin is said to be formidable even without the addition of a 'dead slug' handlebar mustache, Brigadier General Henri Le Collaborateur commented today. Unveiling the portrait by noted Left Bank piss artiste Arma...
Or at least a nomination for the awards given by the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences. The Queen has complained to friends, "Almost every time you turn on the boob tube, there I am -- attending a family wedding, presiding at a charity event, visiting a museum, attending a polo match. Whatever. In addition, my family provides constant fodder for tabloid TV shows and movies-of-the-week...
Belfast - Born again IRA bastard Martin McGuinness is in a secret coalition deal to encourage an extraterrestrial lookalike to 'host' Queen Elizabeth when the current incumbent finally pops her clogs. The solution means the feckless Provo Queen ca...
Scotland - Fisticuffs broke out today among the audience at Scotland's premier pageant of performing international military bands and display teams. Spectators from the Royal Army Medical Corpse (sic) at the annual Edinburgh Military Tattoo took e...
Scotland - Its Ground Zero 10th anniversary lap of honor sucked the West Coast power grid supplying five million Arizona, California and Mexico homes on Thursday. This morning the same alien flagship was spotted hovering close to the Queen's Scott...
London - The Queen's going absolutely bonkers at the release of state papers she thought she'd torched circa the Suez Crisis of '57. "The plebs were never meant to know, Ma'am," bringer of ill tidings Lord Luce-Cannon whispered apologetically at t...
It's recently revealed then it was classed as confidential by men in black suits and black fedoras then was released again but with black pen through certain parts. However the desk of me, Terrance Wilkinson can confirm that the Royal Family are infa...
Scotland - A ouija board session at Balmoral Castle has thrown up a mysterious hexoplasm prediction from the late Princess' bulimic ghost. Excreted by Crathie medium Mrs 'Nessie' Doris-Pokes the gauze-like substance shocked assembled royals with i...
Scotland - 'Fun guy or fungi?' was the dilemma today after a back-to-nature weekend photo-op backfired horribly on the Prince, snapped in ridiculous tartan galoshes picking mushrooms near Loch Ness. This morning his locally foraged mushroom hotpot...
It seems now that a recent mix-up by kitchen staff at Buckingham Palace did not lead to The Queen feeding her beloved corgis Linnet, Monty, Willow, and Holly, reheated food as is still being reported by several British mainstream newspapers. Acco...
The May visits to Ireland of U.S. President Barack Obama and Queen Elizabeth II created a nice boost in tourist trade. Countries all over the globe have taken note. So have clever entrepreneurs who have seized the opportunity to "rent out" the serv...
Scotland - Images of fallen idol Muammar Gaddafi's decapitated bronze head pictured in a Tripoli kickabout have set off huge tremors at Balmoral Castle. Palace flunkies were ordered to black out the offending pix from Her Majesty's breakfast Red T...
More information (see Part I of the series) on the Queen's economy drive for the Royals has been revealed. Here are the latest developments: Royals shouldn't pay for haircuts. They are advised to just put a Royal bowl on their heads to shape the cuts. According to the Queen, "That should do quite nicely." No necessity to rent movies. The Queen is always pleased to lend out Helen Mirren'...
Manchester - Substituting Palace Z-listers and tag-along wannabes for Old Fatty Mountbatten dragging her arse down is no excuse, disgusted riot-torn Mancunians warned today. "Too damn scared hoodies will torch her bonnet, eh?" retired kebab caff o...
Scotland - The Queen is inconsolable - borderline suicidal - at the death of her beloved pooch Dorky this weekend. On Sunday night she locked herself in her bedroom and drank three bottles of Creme de Menthe to cheer herself up after 'the incident...
Her eye on the bottom line, the Queen thinks that the Royals need to cut expenditures. Rumor is that she's dictated a number of cost-saving measures that will help to cut the huge drain on the Royal coffers. Her Majesty has advised female Royals not to waste money on nude pantyhose. "Just stick your legs out in the sun and get some color on them," she's advised members of the Royal family.
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