Manchester - Substituting Palace Z-listers and tag-along wannabes for Old Fatty Mountbatten dragging her arse down is no excuse, disgusted riot-torn Mancunians warned today.
"Too damn scared hoodies will torch her bonnet, eh?" retired kebab caff owner Reggie Bap-Trotter told the Strangeways Observer.
"What we're seeing is a dilution of knobless oblige - ancient monarchial duties going back to Magna Get-Carter.
"Wouldn't have happened if the Old King was still around!"
Neighbors were worried the presence of publicity-famished self-serving twats 'like Charles and Camilla' - and other simpering, self-publicist fools - had cheapened an already tarnished royal image.
Last week media reports suggested the House of Windsor had been let off scot-free from looting the Civil List and Crown Estate £££s.
"It's rubbed some nasty smelling salts into a festering proletariat wound," social hysterian Dr David Starkers commented as a megabux pay cheque landed on his doormat following an appearance on the Beeb's Newsfright the other day.
But the criticism was dismissed at Balmoral where HM is recuperating from a quickie conscience transplant that will help her immune system ward off more controversy.
"Besides, the Queen doesn't 'do' plebeian hellholes," Palace Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon snorted, "for fear of local vermin - er...moths! - attacking her precious cashmere.
"Wanna see pix of Tossing The Caber at the Balatter C**nty Show?"
