Queen Elizabeth II Dictates Austerity Measures, Part II

Written by Gail Farrelly

Saturday, 20 August 2011

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Royalty will out!

More information (see Part I of the series) on the Queen's economy drive for the Royals has been revealed. Here are the latest developments:

Royals shouldn't pay for haircuts. They are advised to just put a Royal bowl on their heads to shape the cuts. According to the Queen, "That should do quite nicely."

No necessity to rent movies. The Queen is always pleased to lend out Helen Mirren's "The Queen" for free.

Royals shouldn't have to pay fees at sport clubs and gyms. They should work out a deal where they can give a few royal waves before and after workouts, and this should "pay" for gym memberships.

Donate clothes and/or jewelry to museums? No way, these items can be sold for cold cash on eBay. According to the Queen, "Commoners are willing to pay for all sorts of Royal stuff, even if it's junk!"

New hats being ordered should be smaller. Less material means cheaper prices. "No need to wear something as big as a house or a palace on your head," the Queen points out.

Finally, Royals are urged to get part-time jobs. While McDonald's is a possibility, the Queen thinks Burger King is the better bet, pointing out, "The Burger King crown makes it more upscale."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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