Written by Gail Farrelly

Saturday, 13 August 2011

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image for Queen Elizabeth II Dictates Austerity Measures for Royal Family
He has a new job!

Her eye on the bottom line, the Queen thinks that the Royals need to cut expenditures. Rumor is that she's dictated a number of cost-saving measures that will help to cut the huge drain on the Royal coffers.

Her Majesty has advised female Royals not to waste money on nude pantyhose. "Just stick your legs out in the sun and get some color on them," she's advised members of the Royal family. "It won't cost you a penny. The best things in life are free."

In addition, she's directed that royal outfits be recycled as many times as possible. Royal fashion consultants have been given access to thousands of outfits worn by Queen Victoria. They've been told that a few nips, tucks, and adjustments, and the outfits should be fine for the current Royal clan. "The vintage look is in," said the Queen. "Why not take advantage of it?"

Royal ladies-in-waiting will be fired. "In these hard economic times, people should be paid for working, not waiting," the Queen has stated.

Limousine bills have soared, and Her Majesty has dictated that horse-drawn carriages be substituted whenever possible. This will have the side effect of creating more jobs, as folks will have to be hired to care for, and clean up after, the horses. And EUREKA! There will be lots more manure for London gardens.

Finally, discount coupons will be used as much as possible for purchases made by the Royals. A Royal Coupon Clipper will clip, file, and disseminate coupons. The Queen has appointed former Prime Minister Tony Blair to this post.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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