David Beckham is to remain at LA Galaxy after signing a new two-year deal with the club. The former England captain, 36, had been linked with a move to Forest Green Rovers in the English non-league but decided to stay at the team he joined in 2007...
The owners of Titanic ship Pierre Luigi Luigi today claimed that Manchester United midfielder Paul Scholes will join the crew when the boat is ready to relaunch at the end of 2012. "Eeeee is just what we need - an expert on 'ow yu say - the rescue...
Anything Blackburn can do, Bolton can do better, at least according to roly-poly Bolton funnyman Peter Kay - who reckons that not only will Bolton beat Man United at Old Trafford, but that they'll win by a wider margin than Rovers 3-2 Kay, who by...
Following a traumatic first half of the season which saw Manchester United crash out of the Champions League and Carling Cup, the red devils announced that Paul Scholes has come out of retirement after just six months to answer the Old Trafford SOS -...
Manchester City FC legend, Mike "Tra la la la" Summerbee is apparently confident that City will put a tidy dozen past local rivals, United, in Sunday's FA Cup 3rd Round battle of the giants. And following City's 6-1 demolition of the Stretford via...
SKY tv presenter and disgruntled celebrity Manchester united fan Eammon 'donut' Holmes spoke out today about his beloved United's poor run of form and recent downgrading by credit rating agencies S&P, Moodys and Fitch. "The whole thing is a s...
The Manchester United business empire was in freefall this morning after the three major credit rating agencies downgraded their risk from triple A to C minus. The downgrading comes after an embarrassing run of results on the pitch over a few mon...
The biggest clubs in the England 'EPL' were today 'preparing bids' to secure the services of the premiershites latest goalscoring sensation, Americanish tourette sufferer Timothy Howard. The Everton net buster and occasional goal stopper marked hi...
A swarm of Magpies flew over Newcastle last night and stole all of United's jewels, and the show! In fact United's jewels didn't shine at all, they were too busy being "rubbed up" and pecked at by the Black and White flock of Magpies. United's bri...
Manchester's pride and joy have both gone a.w.o.l. United and city decided not to turn up for their new years games so the clubs were forced to field "skeleton" teams. Chelsea and Tottenham players also decided to go a.w.o.l. and were last seen fl...
In keeping with their current policy of signing Premier League legends, Arsenal appear set to top the Thierry Henry coup by signing Manchester United legend, Eric Cantona. A club spokesman said that luring the greatest ever French footballer out o...
Under fire Blackburn Rovers boss has been named 'Manager Of The Year' after an amazing 3-2 win on December 31st at Old Trafford, the home of world famous Manchester United. Dignified Scottish slap head Kean scooped the prize after the incredible...
Football authorities in England are promising to take decisive action to prevent further incidents like Manchester United's home defeat by Blackburn Rovers yesterday. The move follows public reaction to the match on United manager Sir Alex Ferguso...
In a desperate bid to shore up his injury stricken squad following a humiliating home defeat to Blackburn Rovers, Sir Alex Ferguson has apparently confirmed that United have signed up Liverpool striker Luis Suarez. This comes as no surprise to ins...
In the weekly EPL press conference, United boss Sir Fergus was asked whether he thought Spurs were a genuine title contender this season and he replied: "Aye, yes, ohhh definitly laddy, since they started refusing to sell us their best players las...
Wayne Rooney put a positive spin on Manchester United's exit from the Champions League telling the waiting press pack he 'can't wait' to play in the Europa League. "Yeah, it's great, I've never played on a Thursday night before - well exciting - when...
The increasing list of ill, injured players at Man Utd goes only to prove that the medical care on offer at the club is not quite adequate for a top-level professional footie club. Without mentioning too many names (boring) it seems that the likes...
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