LONDON, UK: In a major effort to prevent the spread of swine flu, the Health Department has issued the following caveat to travelers: Enjoy your overseas holiday but don't sleep with pigs. A newly released report says that normally the swine flu...
LONDON - ENGLAND: A new musical "The Adventures of Giant Lego Man" opens this summer. Singing the role of giant Lego woman is BGT's very own never-been-kissed spinster Susan Boyle. A spokesperson for the musical said "Susan was absolutely perfec...
LONDON -ENGLAND: Having milked the Jade Goody cash cow to death, Master Pimp Max Cash is now upset that Susan Boyle is doing her own Eliza Doolittle - complete with plucked brows, dyed hair, black leather jacket and Burberry scarf. Unhappy with...
LONDON, UK: Poor Madge. Will she ever learn how to mount a horse properly? In her quest to become the ultimate frumpy English country horse-woman, the Material girl has fallen off the equine rump- once again. "I told her she'd never really cut...
ST. LUCIA - Amy Winehouse is pissed off that ex-Blake has managed to impregnate someone while undergoing rehab. "Well that's gratitude for you innit", she is reported to have said. Now desperate to out-publicize him, Amy has decided that just...
SAUDI ARABIA: Pakistan is slowly but surely going to Hell in a hand-basket. The writing is on the wall. Now that the shady Swat deal has been revealed for what it really is - a capitulation to the Taliban, Gen. Kayani's Army is starting to get res...
PORT-OF-SPAIN, TRINIDAD: Looking gorgeous as she descended from Air Force One at the Summit of the Americas, Michelle Obama was mobbed by paparazzi. Dressed in a lovely off-the-shoulder outfit which showed off her toned upper arms, the First Lady wa...
PUNJAB-I-STAN, TALIBAN-I-STAN: A hard-liner Taliban raving-mad cleric says democracy is un-Islamic and is being imposed on Pakistan by infidels. He warns that the Taliban will bring all of Pakistan under Taliban control. In Saudi Arabia, on yet...
LONDON, UK: A news story just breaking in England states that Susan Boyle has lip-synched for Sarah Brightman on many an occasion. A source connected with Andrew Lloyd Wright and Sarah Brightman's publicity people has said: "It's true. Miss Brightm...
SRINAGAR, KASHMIR -INDIA: In what is tantamount to signing a proverbial deal with the Devil, Pro-Pakistan separatist leaders in Indian Kashmir have just signed a deal with the Taliban. A leader of a separatist umbrella group (which is actually...
TALIBANISTAN: Now that the Pakistan National Assembly has passed a resolution approving Sharia law in the Malakand district of the Swat Valley, Taliban leaders are demanding that all female children of Pak politicians living overseas return "home".
ISLAMABAD, TALIBANISTAN: It is now official. The Taliban are only meters away from Islamabad. The US embassy has closed its doors and renegade PAK ex-Army Generals and their virulently anti-American ISI buddies have emerged from the woodwork. Th...
WASHINGTON: Is President Obama's Af-Pak Foreign Policy F***ed Up Beyond All Repair? That's the Big Question doing the rounds in Washington today. First there was the appointment of Richard Holbrooke - the reincarnation of an earlier (brawn-but-no-brains?) Richard Armitage - who was going to force Pakistan to make its paradigm shift on fighting "its real enemy - the Taliban". Result: A despe...
LONDON - The world media has been driving itself crazy over the Royal hug wondering whether Michelle Obama had broken protocol in hugging the Queen or whether Her Majesty herself had finally turned human deciding to hug someone other than her handbag...
ISLAMABAD, PAKISTAN: The Pakistani Minister of Dis-Information has just gone before the international media saying: "We have decided to rename RAWALPINDI. Henceforth it will be known as ISI-AL-PAK-I" Media reporters fatigued by G20 news clamoured...
TALIBAN-A-BAD, ISLAMISTAN: In this newly declared nation located in what was once a picturesque Northern Pakistan resort all that remains is a mass of rubble. Here, the Taliban ride shotgun, dispensing a perverted form of Islamic justice - having r...
G20 SUMMIT - LONDON: The Brit media has finally confirmed what the world has always known. The G20 summits are 'just a farce'. Media mogul Rowdy Rudolph admitted that "This has got nothing to do with solving world poverty, or terrorism or AIDS...
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