The prime minister will personally take charge of the anti-austerity movement, and will be at the forefront of taking down any statues to those who’ve talked about it, thought about it or heard of it, and specifically those statues that haven’t been…
In a weird show of complete “we’re still not getting this shit”, the Royal family have vowed to block any social media trolls, without realizing the delicious irony that they in fact have been trolling the country for years. Every time we at criti...
An extravagant budget is expected following Theresa May's announcement at Conference that Austerity is over. Just revised to "an end to Austerity is in sight." Expected to later be adapted to "okay, Austerity's indefinite." With the most funds ava...
Captain Bellend himself, Philip Hammond, has said “we’re not out of the woods yet” in reference to austerity. The policy that has been condemned by governments all over the world and is killing off the weakest of our population. Philip Said: A...
ATHENS - Greedy Greeks, accustomed to freeloading off their government, took matters into their own hands when they gathered, supposedly to "protest," in an overcrowded courtroom, preventing a bank's lawyer from appearing before a judge in a "rou...
A one minute silence across the North East will be held tomorrow in observation of the loss of a family from Teesside who had to cut their Sky TV subscription due to austerity. As a result, Dan Matthews of Middlesbrough will no longer be able to f...
London - Bankers' bonuses in the City of London will be part-paid in Viagra and part in cash in a brand new election initiative by the Conservatives. London-based Hard Times austerity think tank reported today the policy will see bankers able to...
A new reality TV game show hosted by David Cameron will debut next week, based around the austerity measures put in place by the Tory government. A staggering 3.6 million contestants will go through various Tory Tucker Trials, such as not crying...
And the debate goes on: Are clothes getting smaller, or are we as a population getting bigger? Experts from several industries met at the Hotel Louisville. As they gorged on crab cakes, steamboat roast beef, potatoes, chili, green bean casserole,...
Gift Ipod cover for child's IPod Fold a sheet of ruled writing paper around an IPod. Crease the folds and carefully cut out a window for the screen. Now here's the clever bit: Stick Scotch Tape or Sellotape first across one side of the window and then turn the paper over and do the same. Now fold the paper to the shape of the IPod and Sellotape together allowing an open section to slip...
David Cameron, Prime Minister and Conservative, has unveiled his latest tactic in achieving 'permanent austerity' in Britain. Announcing his latest plan at a banquet, held in honour of having expensive parties for people who don't really do anythi...
Spokesman Ann T. Sociale of Americant Airlines revealed a new price structure for domestic flights. The move is thought by staff here to be in response to a recent policy shift by another well known airline favoring passengers that do not bring bags...
Cash strapped Buckingham Palace is reduced to only having one bar on of the electric heater in the state rooms, revealed a disgruntled insider. "The Queen is a miser and is too mean to keep the heating on" revealed one of her courtiers. "We are red...
Before decimalisation in the 1970s, it was common for a bob to be left under a pillow in exchange for a tooth. After decimalisation, a bob became ten pence. This state of affairs lasted until the affluent eighties when teeth doubled in value, out pac...
Draft plans for the funeral of Prince Philip have been found stuffed behind a toilet cistern in a gentlemen's toilet on Hampstead Heath. How the documents came to be there remains a mystery. The documents were found by a local kebab shop owner, Ge...
Sunday 22nd July 2012 Topic: Crime - CCTV "Mower thief caught out by camera in victim's van" Source: This is Nottingham (Stills from the camera included) Extract: An opportunistic thief was captured stealing a lawnmower by a hidden camera in the victim's van. Shauna Ford, 50, of Hucknall, bought the £22 video camera on eBay six months ago. She installed it under the rear-view mir...
Athens Greece - According to our source, Mr. Pimpleonizbuto, curator, the ruins of ancient Greece have been supplanted with the ruins of modern Greece. The new ruins are available for international touring now. Unlike the ancient ruins of Greec...
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