Free Viagra for all deserving cases as Brit Top Knobs slug it out for votes

Written by queen mudder

Thursday, 30 April 2015

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Last twist of the austerity screw

London - Bankers' bonuses in the City of London will be part-paid in Viagra and part in cash in a brand new election initiative by the Conservatives.

London-based Hard Times austerity think tank reported today the policy will see bankers able to claim half their body weight in the erectile dysfunction remedy.

And the other half in spent five pound notes.

British Labour Party leader Ed Miliband reacted immediately by promising one hooker hand-job freebie per week for all over-18s struggling on the minimum wage.

Or a year's free supply of dildo batteries for the really hard-up.

Both Tories and Labour are also offering complimentary free downloads of heavy-breathing young Brit royals minus their togs.

That way voters can feel patriotic while slobbering over Kate Middleton's tits or Prince Harry's pecker.

"Some virtual reality Nazi sex memorabilia may also be thrown in catering to aspiring UKIP voters," an Erectoral Commission spokesperson commented.

"Should also pacify Scottish Nationalist punters suffering amnesia about their roots."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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