Wayne Rooney - My Fake Diary

Monday, 21 May 2012

Hodgson views me as the most essential part of his plans in Poland and Ukraine this summer, a bit like Hitler thought Field Marshall Paulus was an essential part of his plans in 1942!

A joke that, I'm getting the hang of em now!

So desperate is the new England boss to have me fresh for the encounter with Ukraine in Donetsk on June 19 that he told me not to report for next Saturday's friendly with Norway in Oslo.

Suits me, now where's the £2000 a bash totties telephone number?....