Wayne Rooney - My Fake Diary

Friday, 28 January 2011

Weeeeeeeeee.Helloooooooooooooooooooo. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. FARRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTT.

Oh sorry. Just trying out the tube thingy from from the toilet roll to see what noises I can make from it like. Coleen left it there for me like.

Well its a really, really, exciting day today, like. I'm having my IQ tested, whatever that is. I imig . . . .imagan . . . inmagirin . . . imag er think this might mean I have to wee in a bottle for the doctor. Hoorraayyy. I'm getting my willy out, I'm getting my willy out, I'm getting my willy out like. I bet the doctor will be pleased.

I was counting my money what I get for football yesterday. I never knewed I got money and not Smarties like wot I asked for. Colleen told me that a man in the newspaper said I get enuf money each week to pay 10 nurses FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR. Can you imagine that, like. 10 nurses have to work the whole year cleaning piss and puke and makin' beds and stuff, and I get the same money in a week just for runnin' 'round Old Trafford (that's a place in Manchester don't you know) 4 mornings a week and then playin' a match with me mates. Now how brill is that, like?

It's me birthday tomorrow like. According to a journo in the Sun, like, my star sign - whatever that bleedin is - is Moron. He made me realy, really, reaally proud by sayin' that if there was a meetin' of minds like, and mine met, all the other minds wouldn't even notice like. Isn't that nice, or what.

Rite, I must go downstairs and polish the cat as we have some visitors coming round to help me count my money, like.