Santa Claus - My Fake Diary

Wednesday, 1 April 2020

Dear Elves,

Please don't form a union. It's too close to Christmas time and I am afraid we might miss our deadline for this season. That's never happened to Santa before and I don't want it to occur on my watch. If you refuse to work it's just me, Mrs. Claus, and the reindeer. And the reindeer don't have hands! At all! So that leaves me and Mrs. Claus. And you know she makes horrible presents (don't repeat this to her). The reindeer would make better ones than her (don't tell them I'm saying this about them too).

You guys are asking for a 25% ownership in the shop in the North Pole. Then it'll be 50%, then 75%, and I will be working for you. Look just work for free for me. I provide shelter, food, utilities, and everything. I'm paying the kringle taxes on the land too.

I see an opportunity here. Now in kringle court I am going to counter-sue for back rents all you little bastards owe me.

So, the kringle gloves are off bitches. Bring it on. Rudolph is a better lawyer than he is a toy-maker and he's on my side.

Go %^&# Yourselves,

Santa Claus