Santa Claus - My Fake Diary
Thursday, 15 June 2017
I'm not usually posting this time of year. There's just so many toys to make to be ready by Christmas. I don't see why I bother. This whole political correctness business is gonna put me out of business someday. I might just get sued. Here are some examples of how political correctness is threatening my job:
Parents suing me for causing their child to become obese or get diabetes.
Black activists suing because I don't give Black dolls to White kids or because I gave White dolls to their kids.
Lawsuits over giving meat to vegans, giving pork to someone whose religion forbids it, or giving genetically modified treats. I didn't know there was Roundup resistant chocolate.
A transgender kid threatening to burn down the North Pole if I don't get her a Barbie Doll, while her parents said she was their son, and that if I gave her Barbie Dolls or other 'f****t s**t,' that they'd cut off my, um, well, sack.
Speaking of Barbie, feminists and lesbians have threatened to sue over me giving their daughters Barbie dolls. At least they're not offended if I give those to their sons.
Speaking of transgender, the strangest legal threat I received was by a pro-trans parent. Their TS daughter liked guns, and it was okay for her to have one where she lived, but they were mad because I couldn't find one in purple.
Animal rights activists are either upset and threatening to sue over the use of my flying reindeer, or they are demanding diversity. They don't see why I can't use flying pigs, flying goats, flying cattle, or a mixture.
Then there were the few Islamic radicals who wanted to blow up my mansion, or any other place for that matter, all because I happened to send a Muslim girl a textbook.
Environmentalists are upset because they are concerned at the impact of me flying all over the world with the reindeer. Maybe the reindeer will introduce parasites or contaminate local water supplies with their dung.
As you can see, maybe I'm in the wrong business. Maybe I should give free legal consultations and representation. I'd have to go back to school for that, and I'd have to send all my elves to law school too, since the legal system is so f**ked up in most of the world, and I'd need them not only as paralegals, but as a defense and/or litigation team. But no, I'd rather be helping people than screwing them. It's just that it's so frustrating when the legal system and social liberals make decisions and promote things that make my job so hard. Of course, I'm not so sure an extremely conservative society will be much better for me. If they could, they'd be getting their kids guns, and guns are harder on the sleigh. Plus there is the safety issue, since if terrorists knew I were hauling guns, they would most certainly rob me.
So is it worth it? I am beginning to have my doubts, but just watching the smiles on kids faces on Christmas morning, awww, I think it is worth it.
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