Santa Claus - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 14 December 2008

Had dinner with the Devil today to try to convince him to make Christmas a holiday for death aswell. I almost convinced him until my beard was set ablaze by a stray flame.

While in hell, i could hear the faint howling of souls begging me to take them back to the pole were its cold. It was all so depressing. I thought the Devil was going to throw me into his firey lake because he kept giving me funny looks each time a drop of sweat trickled down my chin and quenched a flame below.

After dinner though, we went to his furnace room, to watch a play set up by the damned. The play was titled 'All I Want For Christmas Is A Drop Of Water'. On my way out, the Devil asked me to stay a bit longer as he was expecting George Bush soon, but i later discovered this didn't happen as George dodged the shoe which was meant to kill him.

I'm not speaking to Mrs Claus. I caught the HO HO HO flirting with the new garden elve Carlizto. I had him transfered to the coal mines.

Before i left though I had to clear up some business concerning coal. You see, most of the coal i give to the 'naughties' are shipped straight from hell, so i had to get that cleared up.

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