Santa Claus - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 21 December 2008

I knew it ! Should have quit in 2000 before the internet took over. I just can't compete anymore. All these firms promising next day delivery for FREE. How they do a drop without a mince pie and a sherry is beyond me.

Rudolph and his team are losing their sharpness as they don't have so much to do. They spend their days playing on the Xbox whilst swigging cheap lager. Honestly they look completely out of shape and trying to keep them flying straight on Xmas day is getting more difficult every year.

Mrs Claus has been nagging me to take a break so that we can go on holiday one Xmas. "Somewhere hot near the sea", she keeps saying, but honestly I don't think I have the figure for the beach and a beard full of sand would not be fun.

Santa stop it ! You know you get nervous every year and it always turns out fine. I am the best, I am the best, I can do it, I can, I can, I can.

Now where's Rudolph, I need some of that lager.