Ray Mears - My Fake Diary

Monday, 4 February 2008

Going Mad - managed to cut 173 ice blocks; enough to make about 5 igloos and that's 2 with en-suite facilities.

I can now have a dump without cameraman watching. The Vatican City Guard chainsaw has alas run out of petrol so I sent Adrian Childs to see if there is any on the icebound container ship - so I can have a crap in peace.

Once I finished, I went to wipe arse with Bear Grylls letter bUt a horrible situation arose. I was sitting on a block of ice near icehole and my haemorroids have come out and stuck to ice!

somebody call me a doctor!

YOU'RE A DOCTOR