Ray Mears - My Fake Diary

Thursday, 7 February 2008

Had Bad night last night...that bloody Adrian Chiles! Had dream about Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Eskimo style, but was rudely awakened from my reverie just at the good bit, by the bloke's loud snoring (in Brummy too!). I thought it was a Polar Bear in labour!

Had a good six inches last night - of snow that is!

Can hear mail plane this morning, it's dropped another letter; which reminds me, I haven't had time to read the last one. The first one is from the BBC and it is recalling Adrian Chiles for The One Show. Decided there is a god after all!

Mind you, if he hadn't have been here I would still be carving my first igloo. I am so happy and can't wait to tell him. However I think I'll send him to the container ship once more for petrol, before I tell him.

And now for today's letter... this one's from the Eskimo Environmental Department. It seems I've been building an entire village without planning permission and they're asking me to pull it down. Perhaps I won't tell Chiles just yet, I'll think of some excuse and get him to help me demolish the town!