Gordon Ramsay - My Fake Diary

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

December 28th 2010

GOD I HATE THIS MISERABLE WORLD! (that is my daily mantra)

I had to pop into the Savoy today to check on my investment and on the hot little bird I just hired for GM today. Thinking I would impress her that I took time out to of my busy FUCKING SHEDUAL to meet with her.

Upon my arrival the host staff gave me the look of a scared rabbit in a fox hunt - the little faggot. No surprise really i think that "ponce" wants my "cabbage roll" and my appearance makes him get all lathered up. Anyway when I asked about the whereabouts of my new GM - Lilly - ummm Lilly... I bet her bojingo smells like lillies... 'nancy boy' Basil said she was out on lunch? I reminded him that "IT WAS 10 O'CLOCK IN THE FUCKING MORNING" and that I didn't "FUCKING BELIEVE SHE WAS OUT" and demanded she be found IMMEDIATELY. Well that scared the shat out of the fucking queen and he told me he would try and locate her.

While that fuckin' pansy Basil was "looking" for Lilly my soon the be unemployed GM I decided to check in on the cook staff and see if the kitchen was clean enough to PASS A FUCKIN' INSPECTION!! - and grab myself a bacon butty and some fish fingers. On my way I needed to drain my percy so I stopped at the shitter. I heard what I thought was a Barney going on inside but soon realized a couple was busy cottaging in one of the stalls! I kicked the bloody door of the stall open to tell the participants to 'BUG OFF!' I thought I'd find a couple chutney ferrets going at it but to my surprise there was Lilly - the little bint - on hands and knees inhaling my lead chef's 'lap taffy'?!

I startled them so much I think Marshall's got a mold of sweet Lilly's dentures on his meat saber - the fucking mounce! Gobsmacked I ripped them out of the shit closet and told them to get back to work and to please remember to wash their hands before returning to their respective posts.

Now I gotta determine if I'm going to fire them and have to FUCKING REPLACE BOTH OF THEM! or just let it go and write it off as kids being kids. Of course I think I will let 'pam and her five sisters' the night off and make Lilly suck my GOOLIES AND BEEF WHISTLE!!

Maybe I should go paki-bashing and think about it.

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