George Osborne - My Fake Diary

Monday, 3 December 2012

Had to give my Pre Budget statement today. Dave had told me to tone down the red nose so I borrowed some concealer from that nice Mrs Brooks. I don't think I did very well with the speech as I had to give out numbers I don't really understand numbers. Apart from number one and number two. I almost did a number one before I stood up to speak but I held it in and that nasty Mr Balls called me a total number two. Anyway we were all very happy to hear that Kate is pregnant. A Royal baby is just what we need to take the publics minds off the economy.

I asked the Health Secretary if he knew how babies are made but he didn't know. One of the Labour people said you have to put a Richard in a Francis but he was from up North and I couldn't really understand his accent. Plus they will shorten everyones name.

I have to practice counting as I don't think I got all the number right today. People were looking at me funny.