Derek Acorah - My Fake Diary

Monday, 16 January 2012

Extract from Derek Acorah's Diary: entitled "Living on a spirit level"

14 January 2012

I was awoken this morning to the sound of angels singing very enthusiastically from the bottom of my bed. I took a quick look at the Daily Medium which the Angels had been so thoughtful in delivering to me, then washed and dressed. Enjoyed a bowl of my favourite cereal Coco Pops, and then set out to meet Sam (my spirit guide) who was waiting for me at the golf club where we were soon to tee off. Although playing quite well, I was no match for Sam who shot a 53 under par, including 17 holes in one.

I spent the rest of the afternoon in talks with the late Korean leader and self proclaimed god Kim Jong-il. Who I noticed was considerably shorter in real life than he appeared on TV. Although my Korean is a little rusty, we managed to converse for several hours and about many topics. Although not agreeing entirely with some of his views, especially those on main stream communism within the spirit world and the right for every country to possess weapons of total apocalyptic destruction. We parted with mutual respect and admiration for one another.

The evening was spent entertaining a few friends over a delightful Beef Bourguignon which Sam had put together from a recipe which had been passed to him by no other than Napoleon Bonaparte himself. My guests which included Sir Frances Bacon, Leonardo Da Vinci, Roy Orbison and the guy form SMart, all said that it was a culinary triumph and one they would definitely be asking for the recipe to (this made Sam slightly blush).

The rest of the evening was spent watching the guy from SMart create pictures out of the remainder of the mash potatoes, carrots, peas and French beans. His reconstruction of Sandro Botticelli's "The birth of Venus" was spectacular to say the least, The way he used a macaroon to represent the oyster shell of Venus was nothing less than a stroke of genius.
It's a shame when someone with that much talent is taking from us at an early age, leaving nothing behind but for a suicide note. Although the suicide note Mark left according to the police, was one of the prettiest and best they had ever seen!

Retired for the night with the traditional mug of Cocoa, then slipped off to sleep aided by the heavenly voices of god's personal choir and their lament to Derek the Messiah.