David Hasselhoff - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 25 February 2007

Dear Diary,

I will be forever indebited to Jim Nabors (rest his hinnie) for saving my career. Jim was such a boy. He could make any guy smile Smile SMILE! His cheeks and his face too were so cutsie...but later on his cheeks.

Diary, Jim was the one whom planted the seeds of wonder regarding Richard Greer and the Gerbil's he still breeds to this day. Diary, I would ONLY ever tell YOU that, well you see, Jimmy went into Hollywood Petz Store w/ his pet sheep (another day my dear Diary) as a ploy to get me off the hook so to speak. PeeWee Hurman was returning some sheep food proclaiiming that his sheep had died a horrible death, something about a stabbin' but I could not hear all that well, anyways, PeeWEE proceeded to the gerbil cage, much to the disgust of the counterperson whom resembled BORAT and chose 3 MALE gerbils. Well, Jim, said hello and told PeeWEE all about the mistake and that indeed it was not me, the ripped and bulging Hasselhoff but Greer whom invented cramming cocaine down the throats of Gerbils, cutting off their toenails and clipping their teeth (he said Males are stronger) and then using a rolled up Los Angeles Times as a Launch Tube, inserting it where the sun don't shine and bending over in front of the blower on high speed sending those cute little Gerbils up the ole Hersey Highway. Yes Sir-Ree, by-gollie, Jimmy was one silly lil rump ranger, yessem...everyone belived him. So I will never tell OK? Ok.

So Diary, it is time for me to get a bikini wax on my pretty little rosebud so good night for today...xxx0xxx

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