David Hasselhoff - My Fake Diary

Sunday, 17 June 2007

Dear Diary,

Well it's been nearly a month since the world saw that horrid horrendous video of me lying smash dead drunk on the floor of my own flyin' hotel. I tell you, I honestly don't know what to say or do anymore. Ever since my divorce, things have just gone downhill, and the video didn't help matters at all. I mean, sure, I got custody of those two little blond brats I raised completely solo for their whole lives, but so what? Even KITT has moved on to bigger and better things. Ever since that happened, I've been doing nothing but chugging every day, every second. I got a new companion, KITT Jr., but he doesn't help matters much. All he ever does is tell me to go find Dorry McGuire and show up at her house wearing Baywatch trunks. Like, come on! Do I really want to experience that again? How about no!? Holy flyin' Hasselhoff, it's bad enough I had to "promise" my daughter I'd stop drinking, but then KITT Jr. comes along and laps up all my attention. Get real. Well, that's enough ranting. I guess I'll go have another Hofferbean. KITT Jr., get me out of here, I need to pick up more "hol".

Until next time,

Dave-O