Cliff Richard - My Fake Diary

Friday, 2 March 2012

So Engelbert Humperdinck will represent the UK at this year's Eurovision Song Contest. Wow - didn't see that coming!

The 75 year old 'housewives favourite' according to my newspaper. I thought that was me. Well I'm 71, not 75 anyway. Except poor old Engle looks about 105, I look really good, about 41. Oh alright, 51.

Anyway, Humpledicky probably needs the gig more than me. He hasn't had a chart hit for donkeys years. Last I heard he was playing the Pontins and Butlins circuit. I hope he doesn't let the country down. I'm available if the beeb need me.