Arsene Wenger - My Fake Diary

Monday, 27 February 2012

So we beat local rivals Tottenham 5-2 yesterday in Le North London derby after trailing 2-0. High five! Vava voom!

And the French film Le Artist wins five Oscars at the Academy Awards. Coincidence? Non non non I think not. You don't need Inspector Clouseau to tell you the two items are connected. I am confident now we can finish above the Spurs in the Premier League and soon, very soon, our former glory will be restored.

Recently I attended a cosmic ordering session with Mr Noel Edmonds. I left feeling highly charged, more so than a similar session with Tony Robbins. I burnt my feet walking across them hot coals. Mr Edmonds is a very clever man, I think his wisdom is in his beard. He has advised me to grow one.