Written by Gringo Lobos
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Wednesday, 28 June 2017

image for Twitter promotes new Product - Twitter Twatter Weaponised Hysteria™
Twitter Twatter also comes with a special Riot Multicast Addon called HEM Hysteria Escalation Mode

Twitter today proudly announced a new product today that they believe will give them the edge on Zuckerburgs Face Space Fake News capability. Twitter management have been concerned recently with falling revenues and saw the success of the other guys rake in big Russian dollars and are taking the fight back to the Kremlin. They are said to be in discussion with Putin to offer international grade capacity to destablise democracies around the world. They are calling this military cyberwar capability Twitter Twatter Weaponised Hysteria™ , named after the masses rapacious appetite for twatter. "As a key Silicon Valley innovator we want people to get what they want when they want and they want hysterical crap, so we are only streamlining the service that the masses want", Spokesspinner proudly announced

Twitter execs are planning a strategic collaboration with an army of underground fake news vampires and vow to out do Zuckerberg. We are in a premier communication model for the new america, now that all public debates must be exchanged in under 140 characters. The other guys are just dinosaurs carrying around all that needless weighty paragraphs, nobody reads that much anymore. We are building a new range of hate emoticons to offer users more gradation in their spewings forth. Though this nomenclature normalisation is certainly going to be hard given their is no hate dictionary and the semantics can be fairly haphazard. The claimed they would make America great again by offering a standardised abusive framework. This is key in groups becoming more politically effective.

When asked if they considered this treasonous to be aiding and abetting the enemy, after they hacked the election and kidnapped Obamas underpants, they replied, "well now thats the old quaint historical America, old mythologies such as the law and democracy have been consigned to the dustbin of history".

When asked which internal team came up with the idea, they said that Trump had come to them during the election to ask them to weaponise his smart phone. But they didn't have the technology until now and were outbid by the Russian hackers who promised other advantages like access to Hillarys email

The went on to say that latest research is that the population have grown tired of old world concepts like truth and facts and want something more pathos entertaining. WE have seen the sniffing around in dirty laundry, the brat spats, reality TV masturbation, but this is what will get people watching in the 21st Century. Public debate will look more like the Colosseum for the future and we are innovators so we need to write software for the times. Anyone still pushing traditional news was going to loose out in the ratings game, and ratings is the modern God cause that's were the money is.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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