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Jeremy Clarkson to offer 'P*ss into your tent' service at Glastonbury

Funny story: Jeremy Clarkson to offer 'P*ss into your tent' service at Glastonbury

Having exhausted the number of people and ideas to shit on, the hound dog faced petrol head has just launched a new service for Glastonbury revellers. When the rain and mud has peaked, for a small fee, he will personally come along and piss in yo...

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Keifer Sutherland to block Gulf Oil Leak in under 60 minutes, after 23 hour Pre-amble

Funny story: Keifer Sutherland to block Gulf Oil Leak in under 60 minutes, after 23 hour Pre-amble

Keifer Sutherland publicly stepped out of reality on Nationwide TV yesterday, claiming that he would wake up tomorrow as Jack Bauer, his '24' alter ego, and solve the crisis in under "60 minutes", give or take an commercial break. However, it can...

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Wife Beater Vest Sales up 10,000% Ahead of UK Budget

Funny story: Wife Beater Vest Sales up 10,000% Ahead of UK Budget

Anticipation and speculation surrounding June 22nd's Budget from George Osbourne, has sparked a rise in sales in the classic 'couch wear' garment, the Wife Beater Vest. A poll by Mori has revealed that an unprecedented number of working men aged...

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Rupert Murdoch and Bill Gates to Biologically Merge

Funny story: Rupert Murdoch and Bill Gates to Biologically Merge

The CEO's of the two business giants, News Corp and Microsoft are to biologically merge, it was announced today. The operation which is expected to take 12 hours (US Time) will take place at the prestigious UCLA Medical Centre in LA. It is expe...

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Guardian's Lost in Showbiz Editor, Marina Hyde, gets Lost in Showbiz

Funny story: Guardian's Lost in Showbiz Editor, Marina Hyde, gets Lost in Showbiz

Marina Hyde,(61) prolific journalist and editor of Friday's popular Guardian G2 section 'Lost in Showbiz' column, has, unfortunately found herself, lost in showbiz. Surrounding herself continuously with footballers, music celebrities, TV presente...

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Banksy Stencils Image onto Obama's Earlobe as he Sleeps

Funny story: Banksy Stencils Image onto Obama's Earlobe as he Sleeps

The White House today unveiled details of a security breach that occurred over the previous weekend, when British born graffitti artist, Banksy climbed through Obama's bedroom window during the early hours. Banksy, who originates from Bristol in t...

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Kwikfit fitter's Babysitter gets Bitter on Twitter

Funny story: Kwikfit fitter's Babysitter gets Bitter on Twitter

Anne-louise Scrump (14) of Croyden, finally vented her spleen yesterday using the the popular social networking facility, Twitter. "Mi babys pram weel has been rite down to the metle for over a month now and he's down fuck all about it. One more B...

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Emma Watson to appear in new Porn Venture - Hairy Potter and the River of Jizz

Funny story: Emma Watson to appear in new Porn Venture - Hairy Potter and the River of Jizz

In a bizarre twist, British actress Emma Watson (41) is to abandon her innocence and cash in the on the growing tidal waves of masculine lust flooding the globe, by appearing in kids entertainment conglomerate Sidney's inaugural step into the lucrati...

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Simon Cowell's dog sh*ts on carpet and gets own show

Funny story: Simon Cowell's dog sh*ts on carpet and gets own show

Simon Cowell confirmed yesterday that his dog, Little Simon, shat on the living room carpet last Saturday and immediately spotted a hole in the market. "Everyone knows I'm a big fan of dog acts. But when I saw little Simon lay a cable at the weekend,...

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Apple to release iPie

Funny story: Apple to release iPie

Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Inc. today announced the release of their new iPie 1.0, specially designed for the UK market. "This will be a revolutionary change in the way consumers eat pastry," says Jobs, "The basic unit comes ready to eat, but can be...

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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