Written by T John Cunningham
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Sunday, 20 June 2010

image for Jeremy Clarkson to offer 'P*ss into your tent' service at Glastonbury
Clarkson Rebuffed

Having exhausted the number of people and ideas to shit on, the hound dog faced petrol head has just launched a new service for Glastonbury revellers.

When the rain and mud has peaked, for a small fee, he will personally come along and piss in your tent from the outside to complete your fesival experience, presenting a signed certificate of authenticity on completion.

According to his new website, Jezpiss.com, advanced orders for his service are 'disappointingly slow', but he remains arrogantly unperturbed. "I happen to know what is good for people, even if they don't. I'm convinced that by the end of next week, I'll have pissed in more tents than a world convention of bedwetting boyscouts."

Festival organisers remain unconvinced. "I'm afraid Mr Clarkson has missed the boat", said festival steward, Kevin Lisp, " World famous artists have been pissing onto the crowd since the eighties, I've even seen a few turds fly off the stage in my time, with no money ever being exchanged. Clarkson's enterprise is doomed I'm afraid. He should stick to hypnotising slack minded cunts into voting for him to be Prime Minister".

This is not the first time a Top Gear presenter has ended up potentially laying a dog's egg. Richard Hammond once opened a car show room, selling vehicles catering specially for short, annoying people. It closed withing two weeks after its only customers were Ronnie Corbett, Jack Dee and himself.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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