LOS ANGELES, CA., USA Aaron Carter evidently carried on the old Carter family tradition of "hide and go peek" with his mentor, Michael Jackson. During Jackson's child molestation trial it was revealed that Carter attended Jackson's 45th birthday...
LOS ANGELES, CA, USA Michael Jackson's fans and supporters expressed shock and dismay today when the new issue of "Rolling Stoned" magazine revealed that Jackson had at long last been supplanted from the number one spot of Billboard's Hot 100. Cl...
(Geriatric Satisfaction) I can't get a hard erection I can't get a hard erection 'cause I try and I cry and I try and I cry I can't get no, I can't get no When I'm sittin' in my chair Hookin' up with some stupid ho She's all hot an' ready to go Waitin' for some penetration She's gonna help my ejaculation I can't get no, oh no, go ho! Hey hey hey, there's just no way I can't get...
LOS ANGELES, CA, USA The speculation concerning Michael Jackson's revelation shortly before his death that he hoped to be a serious contender for a new world record came to an end today when it was revealed by authorities with the Guinness Book of Wo...
LONDON, ENGLAND, UK Lorry (truck) driver Laurie Rowe apparently took offense when George Michael failed to proposition him following an accident involving the singer's Land Rover and summoned police to investigate the incident. Rowe stated that M...
BARROWS, AK, USA Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's post-resignation plans became apparent earlier this week when the "Arctic Sea" mysteriously vanished without a trace. Palin was reportedly still irate over many incidents, including having bee...
WASHINGTON, D.C., USA The Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine (PCRM) is a Washington nonprofit that advocates nutrition-policy reform; PCRM is currently paying $20,000 to display several strategically placed copies of a poster with the capt...
SAN JOSE, COSTA RICA Ultra-competitive Costa Rican President Oscar Arias Sanchez, 69, has an impressive list of accomplishments; he has been elected president twice, is a Nobel Peace laureate, has received the Albert Schweitzer Prize for Humanitari...
GLENROCK, WYO., USA Things took a turn for the worse during the annual Patriotic Olde Tyme Tractor Pull and Parade which kicked off Redneck Days 2009 when long time entrant and four time tractor pull grand champion Ives Trophez, 76, lined up for the...
DRUMMOND, WI, USA Iggotte Nein-Pantzer, 51, sought emergency medical services after skinny dipping in Lake Owen near Drummond last Wednesday. The Altach, Austria resident was on her annual vacation with her husband, I. De Weere-Pantzer, a native of...
HAVANA, CUBA Fidel Castro's little brother, Raul, has been forced to issue an executive order commanding all patriotic Cubans to refrain from defecating for the foreseeable future due to the total depletion of all available toilet paper supplies.
BUFFALO, NY, USA Mistaking the back seat of a taxi for an NHL rink, Chicago Blackhawks star Patrick Kane, along with his cousin, James Kane, attacked a cab driver following a night out of clubbing in Buffalo. The pugnacious pair became enraged when...
HOUSTON, TEXAS, USA Kevin Federline is facing numerous charges following an incident at a local dining establishment, the Awfull-Waffull Haus, which advertises an all-you-can-eat menu for $4.99. Federline's problems began when the management requeste...
WASHINGTON, D.C., USA American swimmer Michael Phelps, Grand Marshall of the "Smokey the Bong Big Birthday Hit" parade and celebration kicked off the national day of recognition by revealing the beloved mascot's new slogan, "Get Your Smoke On."...
BEIJING, CHINA According to reports which are receiving a lot of word play, an outbreak of the virulent mnemonic plague has killed three people in Ziketan, China this week. Ziketan is a remote town in a Qinghai province which has been sealed in resp...
NEW YORK CITY, NY, USA In a rousing game of ring-around-the rules, Donna Quinter was arrested, tried, convicted, and sentenced all in the space of a few hours on fraud charges involving New York City's Housing Authority; the fast-paced caper was remi...
LOS ANGELES, CA, USA Michael Jackson's prosthetic nose, missing since the autopsy following his death on June 25, has finally been located. Yoko Ono revealed that she had been in negotiations with Jackson prior to his death regarding a collaborati...
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