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Tuesday, 18 August 2009

image for Wacko Jacko Shatters World Records Posthumously
jackson's record is in the bag

LOS ANGELES, CA, USA The speculation concerning Michael Jackson's revelation shortly before his death that he hoped to be a serious contender for a new world record came to an end today when it was revealed by authorities with the Guinness Book of World Records that he would be included in the 2010 issue, which is scheduled for release on September 17.

His drug saturated liver finally came to a rest at 2:13 p.m. p.s.t. today, a record shattering fifty four days after the rest of his body ceased functioning and he was officially declared brain dead on June 25.

Staff with the Los Angeles County Medical Examiner's Office have now declared Jackson "really most sincerely dead" since his liver has at long last ceased the marathon 1298 hour lambada it began when Jackson went into cardiac arrest.

Survivors of the late pitchman Billy Mays expressed regret that Mays was not eligible for consideration, since he was declared brain dead on June 28, three full days after Jackson, and his liver was not nearly as active post-mortem.

Mays' many supporters assert that Jackson had an unfair advantage because he had abused many more substances over a much longer span of time than Mays while Jackson's family contend that Mays could have had an equal opportunity at the title if they had not rushed so quickly to burial.

With the record firmly in hand, Joe Jackson has revealed that Michael Jackson will finally be laid to rest more than two months after his death in Los Angeles' Forest Lawn Cemetery on Aug. 29, his 51st birthday, at 10 a.m.

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