BARROWS, AK, USA Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin's post-resignation plans became apparent earlier this week when the "Arctic Sea" mysteriously vanished without a trace.
Palin was reportedly still irate over many incidents, including having been ridiculed for claiming Russia was "our next-door neighbors, and you can actually see Russia from land here", and had vowed revenge against all of her detractors, both foreign and domestic.
Russian President Dmitry Medvedev has ordered the Russian navy to search diligently for the "Arctic Sea", which disappeared soon after passing through the English Channel.
Dryad Maritime, an intelligence company specializing in piracy, has been investigating the disappearance of the "Arctic Sea"; managing director Graeme Gibbon-Brooks said that the "Arctic Sea" may have been the victim of a new kind of piracy.
Commander-in-Chief of the Russian navy Admiral Vladimir Vysotsky revealed that "Under the orders of President Dmitry Medvedev all Russian naval ships in the Atlantic have been sent to join the search for the Arctic Sea."
Mark Dickinson, general secretary of seafarers' union Nautilus International, said: "It is alarming that, in the 21st century, the "Arctic Sea" can apparently be commandeered by hijackers ... with no alarm being raised and no naval vessel going to intercept it."
It is widely speculated that Palin single handedly hijacked the "Arctic Sea" and it is now located within the Strait of Palinsvulva , and it is reportedly completely engulfed.
David Letterman, reportedly fearing for his life, is in seclusion and receiving protection around the clock from the US Secret Service.