Manchester - (Ass Mess): Sometimes I fell so crappy, sometimes I feel so bad....
The Cosmos - (Ass Mess): The reign of Bush's Whore on Terra may be all but over as July begins with the fiery lesser benefic planet Venus in supreme conjunction with the zodiac's taskmaster Saturn at 22 degrees Leo.
The Cosmos - (Rotters): The first experimental mile-high brothel has been launched using inflatable technology first developed by NASA.
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - RIPLEY, WV - Ripley Storm Trooper Police and sheriff officers stormed 12 Tanglewood Village and brutalized an elderly disabled man today. The police came with guns drawn and screamed for the man to come out. The man repeatedl...
Wembley Stadium - (Ass Mess): As the UK terrorism alert was raised to the highest 'critical' status short of 'imminent incoming airborne missile fired by Vladimir Putin' anti-terror police have warned the uber-tacky Diana concert at W...
Los Angeles: In an astonishing indictment of the state of American medical care, a 44 year old man from Santa Monica, CA was accidentally decapitated by his surgeons.
Children should not be watching The Wizard of Oz. It teaches them all the wrong lessons! People are under the mistaken belief that Dorothy is the good guy, whereas, in reality, Dorothy is the bad guy!...
BREAKING NEWS (Exclusive Gossip) - "I need to knock out a kid real fast." said Nicole "Wrong Way - Go Back" Richie. "Judges don't like to put little mommies in prison, do they?"...
The Beach - After a positively persnickety first month at, by far, the worst-paying job he has ever held, young SpaceElevator is contemplating 'early retirement'. Sources close to the contributor of questionable gossip suggest that he dreams...
Porn "actress" Barbie Cummings of Blacks on Blondes fame, tried turning an old trick to get out of a speeding ticket by performing oral sex on the officer who stopped her. Tennessee Trooper James Moss was then fired by the Tennesse...
ABS News Agency - Radio talk show host, and investigator Alex Jones claims he has copies of documents proving that Vice President Dick Cheney, who prefers to be called "Dark Star" by his subordinates, issued orders to the FBI and CIA to enf...
New figures show a remorseless dive in the numbers of UK marriages and a massive increase in the birth of babies outside of wedlock.
Hollywood, California - Just a week after the DNA test Eddie Murphy's took to determine if he was the father of Scary Spice's baby girl, and just after the Spice Girls announced their 11 city reunion tour, Murphy is reportedly accompanying Sc...
An undecayed, one million year old human tooth, found in northern Spain's Burgos Province, proves that the world's first diet cola was invented in Europe and not as had been previously thought in America, in 1964 by Pepsi Cola.
Washington, D.C. - The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) finally took action against the makers of the Booty line healthy food snacks with the obscene, offensive, and sexually suggestive names, according to conservative family value groups.
World Motor Racing Championship leader Lewis Hamilton has been arrested in France only hours before tomorrow's French Grand Prix.
JK Rowling likes to surprise us, but this surprise may rupture your spinal chords (our terribly mundane readers may consult their dictionaries for this term). Get ready to get the air knocked out of your lungs by the seventh book in the Harry Potter series. Joanne gave a glimpse of the 7th book to our reporter and this is what he has reported.
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